Life It's all about the sprinkles ...

Though life is hard, I am blessed...

2012-02-05T21:12:00.000-08:00

Here I am, still trying to figure it all out. I do not understand why this must be, what am I not learning that I need to be? I haven't posted for a while. But here I am again ... frustrated with life and the trials therein ... same crap, different day.

But, when I think of all I do endure I think of how blessed I have been ... the quiet hero who left an envelope taped to my front door with a precious gift. Whom ever you were ... God bless you. Bless also the angel in the mail, my gratitude can find no words. I am also blessed for the yummy soup that Gloria shares with me, and for the bucket of fudge from Melissa. I am so blessed by the love and concern from my sister and her family for my temporal and emotional well being. I have been so blessed by good wishes and prayers from friends and family that when I'm feeling whiny, I just have to count my blessings! I am sure the adversary just sits and hopes that these trials in life will break me ... yea verily I say unto you, dude! I can kick some Satan butt!!! Bring it on!!!!!!!!!!
My trials are miner comparatively speaking ... and I can almost hear my grandma say ... Jana, this too shall pass. (sooner than later, I hope)

I miss you, Leon

2012-01-10T11:42:00.001-08:00

I was just missing my brother, Leon ... I wrote him a poem:

Remember You Still

written by Jana Jeppson 1/10/2012

It's been so long

almost thirty years have gone

yet, sometimes it's just

like yesterday

I remember you, still

I remember laughing with you

so hard until our stomachs hurt

but I don't remember why.

I remember when you

helped me over a puddle,

Like a knight in shining armor

so my feet would not get wet.

I remember how you played

the bum boogie on the piano

and how you sang,

off tune and monotone ...

about everything!

Even to the point of annoyance!

I remember your laugh,

your sense of humor,

your smile

and your dreams ...

I can still hear the echo

from the silence

on the day that you passed.

Sixteen is way too young

for a boy to die.

And though time passes

you are alive within my heart,

because, I remember you still ...

The Spirit of Christmas

2011-12-17T00:12:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas time and in spite of all of life's challenges, I recognize the spirit and God's hand in my life. I have witnessed and been the recipient of many kindnesses. My heart has been touched and is filled with gratitude. The Christmas spirit has been sweet and gentle and it has settled on my life so softly that it has been easy to overlook its simplicity. I have learned that it is imperative to pay attention and to be still and recognize God. Sometimes the spirit of Christmas is reverent and sacred and not necessarily festive ... but quiet ... and holy. That is the spirit of Christmas I feel this year.
The Christmas spirit is what makes this season so precious ... President Thomas S Monson quoted the following in a talk, it is by an unknown author;

I am the Christmas Spirit.

I enter the home of poverty, causing pale-faced children to open their eyes wide in pleased wonder.

I cause the miser's clutched hand to relax and thus paint a bright spot on his soul.

I cause the aged to renew their youth and to laugh in the glad old way.

I keep romance alive in the heart of childhood and brighten sleep with dreams woven of magic.

I cause eager feet to climb dark stairways with filled baskets, leaving behind them hearts amazed at the goodness of the world.

I cause the prodigal to pause a moment on his wild, wasteful way, and send to anxious love some little token that releases glad tears--tears which wash away the hard lines of sorrow.

I enter dark prison cells, reminding scarred manhood of what might have been, and pointing forward to good days yet to come.

I come softly into the still, white home of pain; and lips that are too weak to speak just tremble in silent, eloquent gratitude.

In a thousand ways I cause the weary world to look up into the face of God, and for a little moment forget the things that are small and wretched.

I am the Christmas Spirit.

I usually write a poem for the holidays. I didn't write one this year. Instead though, I am inspired by God's unconditional love and strengthened by my testimony of that love and touched by the sweet peace that His spirit brings to my life. May all of my friends and family be touched by his spirit and invite Him to stay in your heart always.

Merry Christmas!

E James Jeppson Dec 6, 1939 - Dec 7, 2011

2011-12-07T20:10:00.000-08:00

My daddy died today. He's had pneumonia. I have thought alot about him today. He was silly sometimes. I remember he would say whenever we were going somewhere that required paid admission, "If you walk in backwards, they'll think your leaving and they won't charge me for your ticket. " That always made me laugh. He would say things like "Half passed kissin time, time to kiss again." or "let's have a family huddle" or when we were getting out of the car he'd say, "all out who's gettin out!" ... but my best memory is when he would sing to me ...

"You are my sunshine
my only sunshine
you make me happy when skies are gray.
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away."

I think that when it comes right down to it ... all that matters is family. I felt that today. I am so grateful that when my dad left us today, he left knowing that we were with him and I said goodbye knowing that he loved me ... every little girl just needs to be loved by her daddy. You never outgrow that.

Grateful Things ...

2011-11-22T23:37:00.000-08:00

In the eulogy for Steve Jobs read at his funeral by his sister. she said that at the end he looked at her, at his wife, at the children, and then said looking just passed them, " 'OH WOW. OH WOW. OH WOW.'" I try to image what wonders he might have glimpsed at that moment, just beyond the veil. It made me wonder, right here on this earth, how many moments of "Wow" I miss daily because I have come to take them for granted or don't stop the rush of my perceptions to truly see. Surely, greeting each day with "Wow!" is a divine exclamation worthy of a prayer.Thank you, God." Gratitude, I know, sets the tone for a day in which "wow" can pop up frequently. In the space that gratitude carves, I see clearly that everything is a gift. Either it is a recognizable gift or it can be reshaped to become a gift. This Thursday we will focus on our blessings and say thanks with friends and family at the table. What if everyday we could take a moment and say, "Wow. Thank you, God."

Today I want to say Thank you to my Father in Heaven for the most precious blessings I have; my family and friends, the gospel, my testimony, His unconditional love and caring for me. I am grateful that even in this difficult time in my life that He has my back. That I feel my Saviors love everywhere, in everything! I am grateful for temporal blessings. My house, my car ... indoor plumbing, pillows! I am grateful for hope and laughter! I am grateful for diet coke and donuts and sweet and sour chicken or Dave's bar-b Que! (hmmm bar-b-Que). I am so grateful for the kindnesses that have been shown to me ... by friends, family and anonymous surprises in the mail. The best way to thank a kindness, is to pay it forward ... I was reading about a woman who turns 70 this month, and is celebrating by doing 70 "Random Acts of Kindness"! Opportunities for kindness show up many times a day. A person enters our mind...another shows up at the door to our office or our home...a creative idea pops up that might be a blessing to many...the weary clerk needs a warm smile and a special thank you...the person on the other side of the kitchen table needs to be really listened to... Maybe it's sort of like, "Ask not what God can do for you but what you can do for God." And maybe those two things magically turn out to be the same. And perhaps I can repay the many kindnesses shown to me by being kind to others.

Memories of Grandma

2011-11-13T00:50:00.000-08:00

Gene Autry singing
songs of Christmas
sends me spinning
back through time ...

At Grandma's house
I smell Cinnamon,
oatmeal cutout cookies
and homemade bread.

She tells me stories
about growing up
the oldest child ...
when Christmas presents
were bought with money
meant for Novocaine at the dentist.

We make candy for neighbors
and laugh ... my siblings and I
fight over who gets
to lick the spoon ...
and grandpa takes it.

Grandma,
I miss you ...
I wish we could go back ...
just for the afternoon ...
and make candy once again.

Or maybe New Years Eve with
Guy Lombardo, bingo and
your infamous ribbon sandwich
with grape juice!

Instead I'll treasure the moments
the magic, and the memories ...
and miss you still.

Are you Converted?

2011-10-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

Some notes from Elder Bednars talk at Regional conference on 10/23/2011;

The world will get darker and more chaotic. We must have more than a testimony....we must become converted and seek to emulate the unselfish character of Christ through the power and application of the Atonement.

We must set an example. The world may criticize, the world may mock, but being a worthy example drowns them out.

Testimony is being brought to the knowledge of the truth through the Holy Ghost. Conversion is consistently being true to what we know. Experiencing a mighty change of heart is conversion which is not a one time event but, rather a process of line upon line precept upon precept while being obedient to that which we've received.
Alma 23:6-7 we learn that as many who gained a testimony and were converted unto the Lord "never did fall away. For they became a righteous people; they did lay down the weapons of their rebellion, that they did not fight against God any more, neither against any of their brethren." Do we lay aside our own weapons of rebellion? What are my weapons of rebellion? Hmm thought provoking ...(pride comes to mind...)

A testimony is what we know to be true by the witness of the Holy Ghost. Although a strong testimony is a wonderful thing, It is not enough without conversion. In the book of Matthew, the parable of the Ten Virgins shows the difference between testimony and conversion. The lamps were the lamps of Testimony. The oil was the oil of Conversion. The wise virgins didn't withhold oil from the foolish virgins because they were stingy -- Conversion is something that cannot be shared in a moment of adversity or crisis. It comes to us "line upon line, precept upon precept." All of them had testimony, however the wise also had conversion.

Even to Peter, strong and valiant as he was, the Savior said, "When thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.." We need to experience a mighty change of heart. Those who heard King Benjamin's speech had "no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually" (Mosiah 5:2).

Elder Maxwell once said to Elder Bednar, "Except for the character of Christ there would have been no atoning sacrifice." In the New Testament, Matthew, Chapter 4:11 says, "Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him..."
However, Joseph Smith Translation says, "and now Jesus knew that John was cast into prison, and he sent angels, and, behold, they came and ministered unto him (John) …"
This sheds light on the character of Christ. At this time the Savior was spiritually hungry and in need of assistance and suffering more than John. But, He was aware of John and sent angels to John, even in the midst of His own affliction.

In study of the the New Testament and 3rd Nephi for more stories of the character of Christ. Here are some examples:

1) When the Savior institutes the sacrament, He prays for the peace of others, not for Himself.

2) In the Garden of Gethsemane the Savior asks the apostles to stay awake for him, and several times they sleep anyway. When He left the Garden where he had suffered so greatly that He bled from every pore, he was betrayed by Judas. He had been through much in that moment, and yet, he healed the ear of the guard.

3) On the cross, the Savior's concern was on His mother, and the thieves beside Him.

These examples show the character of Christ to be one that turns outward instead of inward even when He wass suffering. Moving toward this should be our ultimate objective. "As we continue to conversion...a mighty change of heart is a turn to looking outward, not inward. " -- Elder Bednar. We can't do it alone, however, we can't accomplish it under our own strength.

Our capacity to achieve this mighty change of heart is enlarged through the Holy Ghost and the Atonement. It is impossible to achieve it simply with goal setting. Mosiah 3:19 says, "For the natural man is an enemy to God... and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint..."

How is this done? The first part "putteth off the natural man" is accomplished through the Atonement when we repent. The second part, "becometh a saint" is accomplished as we overcome the things we have previously repented for and repent for less and less serious sins. As we do this, we become more and more sanctified.

Elder Maxwell gave a talk at BYU Idaho and apologized to Elder Bednar, feeling his talk was sub-par. Elder Bednar believed it had been one of the best talks he'd ever heard. So, Elder Maxwell still repented of things, but even the bad stuff he repented of, was really good stuff.

Do all we can do in the strength of the Lord. When the people of Alma were oppressed, the Lord said, "I will … ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that … you cannot feel them, … that ye may know … that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions....And … the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord" (Mosiah 24:12, 14–15).

This is how I accomplish my conversion, my mighty change of heart, my process to turn outward and not inward, to get oil for my lamp and emulate the character of Christ. We ask the Lord to ease the burdens of our weaknesses, our trials, the obstacles in our way...not that they may disappear, but that they may be light upon our shoulders and we may bear them with ease so we may cheerfully and patiently submit to all the will of the Lord.

"In the world in which we live, testimony will not be enough." -- Elder Bednar. We must give rise to a deepening and ongoing conversion.

Ben ... Revisited

2011-10-22T12:19:00.000-07:00

OK ... this is a re post .... I have been ask several times lately about my EC (Eternal Companion) I have none ... in this dispensation anyway, he was born in another .... dispensation. This post will explain ...

I speak of him often and many people have inquired ... "just who is Ben?" Well, my friends, I will tell you about Ben;

His name is Benjamin, He is my eternal companion, He was a stripling warrior …He died while building a pyramid in Zarahemla … He fell off! (That had to hurt!) I can’t wait to ask him why they built pyramids … Oh,and he is one of Helaman’s sons, not just one of the army, but one of his boys, the youngest I think… (his oldest brother Nephi, took his father’s place as the chief judge after he died and then there is his brother Lehi … you don’t hear anything about Benjamin in the scriptures … I think it was because He died so young (the pyramid thing) and it wasn’t a flashy death … you know, he wasn’t defending truth and righteousness … he was just clumsy!)

President and sister Helaman were devastated when Ben lost his footing and ended up a statistic of who’s who in paramid death’s (which, by the way, in that dispensation was one of the leading causes of death next to battling with laminites!)

Anyway, sister Helaman was looking forward to the whole grandma thing and then her son is gone … what can you say. When She was given a blessing to comfort her, she was told that the daughter of a King was being prepared for the last days (that would be me!)and would eventually end up with Ben, she was told that she should keep and eternal perspective … well if my mother in law kept an eternal perspective … I certainly can! So, I wait for Ben … or Benjamin, son of Helaman…In these latter days would that make him Benjamin Helamanson??? What a mouthful …. I guess that’s why I call him Ben. Nice, short, and to the point! If his father was here … would he be asked to speak at the next conference??? Would people want his autograph? Just wondering …
Anyway … I have often posed the question, why weren’t we born in the same dispensation? I don’t know? Other than the fact that I hate camping and that was a way of life with them. Or, maybe it was to bring the best of both worlds together for our own posterity! Who knows …it’ll all be figured out eventually ... until then, I wait for Ben :0)

( Poor Helaman .. somewhere in paradise he is shaking his head in total disbelief at my over active imagination!)

Standing in Holy Places

2011-09-29T08:54:00.000-07:00

The ground outside my mailbox is holy ground ... no, really ... let me explain. I'm standing at a crossroad in my life at the present time. I am working on which way I need to go. finances are definitely a challenge, but I have truly been blessed. The Lord has sent angels in my life bridge the gaps, just when I need it most. I have received twice in the mail, a very generous gift. I am sure these mailed gifts were sent by the same person. And my gratitude knows know end to the sacrifice that this person has had to have to help me out. The gifts have been anonymous, truly sent in love without need for temporal reward. I have also received a gift taped to my door and something left by a dear friend in my car. My sister and her husband have also touched me with their unconditional financial support. These sweet gifts have filled such need when my car needed tires or when necessity warranted a short trip out of town because my mother had surgery. Or when I needed to pay the registration on my car. So I find that the ground outside my mailbox, the place outside my front door, my car, or the inside of a birthday card ... these are all holy places.
Standing in a holy place geographically speaking is obvious, the temple comes to mind as a sacred and holy place. What I am speaking of now, is more of a personal dimension ...every place we stand is sacred if we stand with God with an eye single to His glory.

A core trait of those who Stand in Holy Places seems to be sacrifice.

I know that those givers of my gifts sacrificed much for me, I thank you all so humbly.

I am truly lifted by your generosity and love for me.

To Join Or Not To Join, that is the Question ....

2011-09-19T12:01:00.000-07:00

Join a gym??? I think not! I was once chastized at a health club when I entered by an overly fit young man! It left a fearful taste in my mouth ... no one likes to be harassed ... I, after all, was trying to do a good thing! That being said, a friend of mine suggested a few days ago that I join a gym with her. I explained to her that aside from the fact that my growing need for welfare has rendered my wallet cash free, there is no way in [insert explative here] I am going to publicly display my jiggle!!! I have compiled my list of reasons why ... for your entertainment!!!

Top Seven Reasons NOT To Join A Gym:

1. Spandex and I are not friends! (the visual should render you speachless!)

2. In my mind, donuts are not a treat, they are a major food group.

3. Why would I want to pay someone to allow me to walk up and down a stair stepper, when I can do that at home for free and still don't?!

4. Because my get up and go, got up and went...

5. Because my friend tried to motivate me by saying, "We are women, hear us roar!" and my reply was ... "I like naps! Hear me snore!"

6. Personally, I can't understand why anyone would want buns of steel?!

7. I can't possibly get a workout worth the money when just wriggling into my excersize bra leaves me winded!

Well those are just a few reasons ... for now, that is enough!

30 years and counting ...

2011-09-09T14:07:00.000-07:00

I hung up the phone. One more interview that failed, I really wanted that job and I am so tired of this perpetual vacation! My life was is turning in turmoil of unemployment and frustration. I feel as if I have failed somehow. My high school reunion was looming in the not so distant future and I found myself measuring the life I had lived in the last 30 years (yes, I said 30 years!) In the spirit of nostalgia I pulled out my senior class yearbook to peruse pictures from the past. As I was flipping through the pages a sealed envelope fell to the floor. Upon closer inspection I recognized the envelope. The night before graduation, my friends and I had gathered for a slumber party to celebrate the end of the school year! For fun we all wrote down goals and sealed them in envelopes and tucked them neatly in the pages of our yearbooks. This envelope was mine and across the front was written … “ Twenty Years from now.” “Twenty years? do I hear thirty?” I opened the envelope and found a yellowed piece of stationary with a list that read: “ In twenty years I will have four children and I will immerse myself in their daily activities. I will be a PTA president, soccer mom, maybe a girl scout leader or Primary president (leader of the children’s organization of my church). I will live in the suburbs in a ranch style house with a fenced yard and a garden. My life will be filled with activities that fill up children’s lives, family night on Monday’s, piano and dance recitals and little league games. I will have a Labrador or Collie named Otis, and a cat named Lucy or Barney or both. I will have dates on Friday or Saturday nights with a husband who adores me and is completely devoted to his family! I will laugh a lot, play games with the kids, and sing them to sleep when I tuck them in … and I won’t stop, even when they think they are too old. My house will be filled with music! I will be a fun mom, making memories with a family that will be mine for eternity. I will be a great wife who will always be interesting and fun to my husband. Housework has never been my forte’, but I will try to keep it up! In my spare time I will be a published author who writes poetry and short stories that will inspire and uplift those around me! I will be very happy!”

I read and reread the list before the tears that stung my eyes started to blur my vision. I had failed. The most important things to me on that list were just a patchwork of dreams that had never come to pass. I ached inside. I went to bed with a heavy heart and cried myself to sleep. I lived alone with a cat. I was in a position in my life that left me empty and unfulfilled, and at that moment I not only felt like I had nothing, I felt as though I was nothing. I went to bed with a heavy heart and cried myself to sleep.

The next morning I stood in front of the mirror, getting ready for church. I did not want to go. I wanted to crawl back into bed and pretend that I wasn’t the huge failure that I felt was slapping me in the face! Tears stung my eyes, and my cat, Maggie, kept jumping in the sink because she wanted me to hold her. I started to cry, the more I cried the angrier I got. I looked across the room at a picture of Christ that hung on my wall. “Why?” I asked desperately wanting Him to jump out of the picture and give me a hug. “What were you thinking, Father, when you made me! I just don’t get it?” My question was met by silence. “Father,” I prayed quietly, “I don’t mean to be disrespectful, that is not my intent. I just wish you could tell me what you were thinking when you made me. Why did I come here if I couldn’t be a mom? "I thought after 30 years of adulthood that when I looked in the mirror I wouldn't see a failure!" "What do you see, Father? What is wrong with me?” My questions were met with silence. There was no answer. I left for church.
I was singing the opening hymn when a sweet little girl in the ward whispered in my ear, “Jana, you sound like an angel!” “ I do? “ I answered her, “ You are so lucky, I have never even heard an angel, I have no idea what they sound like!” “Well,” she explained “ They sound like a song straight from heaven!” I smiled at the little cutie, “ Thanks sweetheart,” I said, “I needed that today!” Later, I was sitting in the hall when a little cherub biffed it in the hall … he was on his way to the bathroom and a parent nowhere in sight. I jumped to his rescue and kissed the boo boo better. “ Who’s mommy are you?” he asked. “No one. I’m not any one's mommy …” “That’s too bad,” he said “ “‘cause you’re really good at it!” From your lips to God’s ears was my thought.

I sat and pondered the sweet little spirits I encounter every Sunday. I have served the children from two to eighteen in throughout my life. I have been a mentor, a friend and confidant to many. Though have never had a baby, I have dried a million or more tears, bandaged a few hundred knees, and have given thousands of hugs and kisses. Every time a child’s face lights up because I walked into the room I feel very humbled and very blessed.
One thing that I have been blessed with is faith. I pondered those precious moments I have had in my life and I knew God was telling me that I have purpose and I have not failed. I thought of the thrill of publishing my story in Chicken Soup For The Soul. I thought of the cards and crafts and moments I have shared with friends and loved ones. I counted blessing of abundance in my life and I felt gratitude for each one. Suddenly the last 30 years did not seem so harshly lived! I have been happy! I have felt joy and I laugh all the time! I know that right now I must redefine certain aspects of where I am headed and I don't want to be unemployed anymore, but my life is a beautiful gift from a Father who loves me and were it not for these very trials, I would never understand what a beautiful gift this life is! I will strive a little harder to touch as many people as I can and to keep a grateful heart! I need to remember that my success in this life is not measured by whether or not I have a husband or a house filled with children. My success is defined by sharing the best that is in me on whatever path I find. I open my eyes and my heart to new possibilities and I have hope. Life is not over because one must redefine themselves. I must look at it as though it were a great adventure! The same kind of adventure I looked forward to 30 years ago at high school graduation! Even though my life is not at all what I dreamed for it to be, even as I stand at this current crossroad, I know that if I trust in God and have faith in his eternal promises I will not be forsaken, for anything I desire is his desire for me.

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.”
Matthew 7:7-8

Time keeps on slipping, slipping into the future ...

2011-08-08T23:23:00.000-07:00

I've had a lot on my mind lately ... how fast time seems to pass, Is the life I am living significant? What is my legacy? When I am gone from this life what will be left of me to mark my mortal existence? Do things like that really matter? Am I fulfilling my mission? What on earth am I doing for heaven's sake? It's a ponderance (don't spell check that word, I made it up) ... I have read a couple of blogs ...had a few conversations and I am still pondering ... I follow Middle-aged Mormon Man ... his post: Time's Running Out, My Pretty! I stopped again to ponder if I am guilty of saying "I'll be happy when ...." recently.

I used to think many things I don't really think anymore, like for example, I used to think I would get married and have babies ... I don't think that babies will ever come to pass as my 48th birthday looms on the near horizon ... and I am sure I'm not birthin' no babies! I don't think I care as much about finding mister right now as much as I did when I was young enough to birth babies. However, I never remember thinking I won't be happy until those things happen. I have always been pretty content with wherever I am in life. Wanting those things did not make me discontent. I will be honest, being single and alone has gotten stale and old .... I just need to figure out how to make it OK again. I have been guilty of saying "I'll be happier when I get a job." I am truly sick of this extended holiday ...

Then I read my sister in law's blog : Mindi's Manic Meanderings her post, http://mindiandelrey.blogspot.com/2011/08/new-mantra.html .... I am really guilty of self loathing ... especially lately ... I don't like that about me .... I know that Satan latches onto those kind of feelings and uses them to suck you into his vortex ... if you let him. It is when I am having those self esteem challenged moments that I honestly wonder if this life I am living is significant? Am I creating a worthwhile legacy? will that legacy be enough to mark my mortal existence? Do things like that really matter? Am I fulfilling my mission, it's not being a wife and mother so I say what on earth am I doing for heaven's sake?

And as my head spins with these questions, I watch time passing like mile markers on the side of the freeway ... my brother's youngest son got married Saturday ... my cousin's youngest just turned in his mission papers ... my oldest niece graduated from college and will begin a teaching career at the end of August ... my oldest nephew is 29. Holy time warps, Batman, when did that happen? My youngest niece was blessed on Sunday ... I guess that should even out the aging . No, all that means is that my dad has 10 children so some of us are old and the rest of them are not so much ...old ... My high school 30 year reunion is Saturday, I guess that makes me a 48 year old, unemployed high school graduate ... still wondering what life is all about and wondering if I did indeed miss the boat.

It's still a ponderance ....

A thought or two from me to you!

2011-08-05T12:10:00.000-07:00

You have within you, right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.
-- Brian Tracy

You haven't lost your smile at all, it's right under your nose. You just forgot it was there.
-- Author Unknown

Kindness Begins With Me

2011-07-09T23:46:00.000-07:00

Kindness is a beautiful thing! In being kind, we are being true to who we really are. I believe any true action begin in thoughts - as well as our hearts - it shows in the way we smile, in the way we breath, in the light of our eyes.. I believe kindness can change the energy of the world as a whole. What can I possibly do to change the world, I'm not Oprah. Though I do believe my existence is valuable, I know it is small. Last Sunday we heard the cute story of "Ordinary Mary And Her Extraordinary Deed." The story is about a little girl who does a small act of kindness and creates a ripple effect that touches and changes the world!
And so this very ordinary girl with an ordinary life, much like mine, made an extraordinary difference!
We all need for someone to care - to think kind thoughts of us - to believe and see the truth of who we are beneath all the money or the lack of money, what kind of clothes we wear, if we feel or are too fat or too thin. We all want to be significant. To be equal - as one - because we are.

Being kind serves our own heart; Being kind compliments our intentions; Being kind helps us stay light and helps us to stay strong.

I remember the primary song;

Kindness Begins with Me, 145

"I want to be kind to ev’ryone,

For that is right, you see.

So I say to myself, “Remember this:

Kindness begins with me.”
Words and music: Clara W. McMaster, 1904–1997. © 1969 IRI

I was so moved by the Ordinary Mary story and the possibilities that adopting that philosophy on purpose in my life might do wonders for my own morale! I am at a point of constant frustration in my life and I am desperately trying to find a way to shake it loose. So, I have developed my own kindness project. I make cards or send notes. That's what I do to bring me joy! And so I will begin my project by sending cards of kindness! Something that says, "you make a difference in my life" or "Thank you for all you do" .
I want to make a difference. I want to inspire and lift and motivate.

Ephesians 4:32 "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you."

So, I will warm someones heart today … pass love along even in a card, I think I can make a difference in someones life today … tomorrow … always. The key is to just do it. Random acts of kindness, I think they call it?

I truly value kindness - above all else.

Your single good deed, big or small, can inspire others and cause a ripple effect of kindness that continues to grow as others join in. Start something today — the more people who take action, the larger your ripple will become.

Be of Good Cheer!

2011-06-26T02:07:00.000-07:00

I was reading the July Ensign tonight when I became engaged in an article titled, "Be Of Good Cheer" I needed to read it! Have you ever read an article or heard a talk when you feel like the speaker or author is speaking directly to you? Kind of like ... Dear Jana, Love Camille as it pertains to this article.

John 16:33 "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

We all have tribulation. I am so grateful for the atonement and for Christ's promise to me that I can be of good cheer for He has overcome the world. I am constantly working on my need to be in control and let go and let God take over. I have blogged about it more than once. I can only trust God in my current tribulation. And, ya know, I have been much more at peace lately ... even knowing that I am no better off today, than I was on Oct. 8, 2010... when I lost my job. The Lord has been with me constantly and has blessed me in so many ways. I am humbly grateful for His abundant love for me, even though I bask in unworthiness. He is constantly giving me tender mercy's every day. As I learn more each day to submit myself to His will and His time with much patience, exercising faith and trust continually.

Mosiah 24:14 "...yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."

Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me”

D&C 24:8 “Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days”

In the days of frustration and despair, I try to remain focused on these promises. I know the Lord is in charge and will continue to bless me according to His will and my needs. I know He sees the bigger picture and only wants what is best for me. Patience has never been my strong suit, but I'm working on it! and I try to keep a sense of humor. I was promised in my patriarchal blessing that the Lord would make easy my burdens as I call upon Him and place my trust in Him.
I am so grateful that I know I can call upon Him. I know He is there and so willing to see me through all of life's bumps and lumps!
I wrote a poem I want to share:

TRUST
by Janalea Jeppson
I bring to Him my broken heart...
He gives me everything.
He loves me through the pains of life,
in faith my soul does sing!

He reaches out to hold my hand
as I stumble through my trials.
He fills my soul with hope and strength.
along life's every mile.

I know He'll see me through it all.
He listens when I pray.
And as I place my trust in Him
He'll help me through each day.

The Lifting Principle

2011-06-17T13:13:00.000-07:00

Whittier best described life and our dependence on each other when he wrote:

"Thee lift me, and I’ll lift thee

And we’ll both ascend together."

What is the lifting principle?
"First you lift your soul to Christ, and as you do this, He will lift you and then you are in a position to help and lift others."
The greatest thing about thing about the principle, is that the more one happens the more the others fall into place and happen again and again.
I have had a thought provoking week. A great deal of thought and contemplation burrowing through my soul. There is so much around me that lends to worry and concern but standing back and looking from a different perspective, I can see God's hand in my life and those I love. The concerns I have are being addressed in God's time, trusting Him unconditionally in the meantime is imperative.
*Life's to short to whine so much, so I'm trying not to ... LOL!
* It's important to laugh too much
* It's important to take too many photos
*It's important to love the people who treat you right and forget about the rest.
* It's important to Live life to the fullest
* It's important to not regret anything because anything that made you smile.. is a good thing and anything that was a mistake helped you grow
*Never frown because you never know who is falling in love with your smile"
*It's important to realize to the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

*When you fall get straight back up.

*When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."

OH NO!, Not Another Wiener Joke!!!

2011-06-13T19:02:00.000-07:00

OK ... I can't deal with it! I am a person who craves the comedy of any given situation and I tried to thwart of the temptation of posting this ... but don't we all need a good laugh!? So, here it is;

I have been having an out of money experience for some time now, so the fact that I had $2.00 that wasn't doing anything but sit in my wallet was a tiny little miracle. Yes, I did say, two dollars ... how pathetic is that? So, earlier today, in a fit of self pity, I drove to Sam's club .... let me explain, I previously had a Sam's club membership. Why? who really knows? It did come in handy when I was the ward activities committee chairman and even when I was in the young women's presidency... but other than that, buying things in bulk is not necessary for a single girl with a cat. Anyway, due to my growing need for welfare, I never renewed the membership, I did however, still have the membership card in my purse ... so I thought the Sam's club snack bar would be the perfect place to take myself to lunch! I chose carefully so as to get the best bang for my 2 bucks and chose a drink and polish hot dog combo for $1.50. I filled my cup with diet coke and went over to the condiment station and added some catsup and what not to the polish dog. I was truly excited for my feeble attempt at retail therapy. However, somewhere between the Sam's club snack bar and my car... the wiener jumped ship! Yes! When I got to my car all I had was the bun and condiments. I did not twitter the wiener nor facebook any unsuspecting strangers ... I simply lost my dog in the Sam's club parking lot...probably...who really knows where there is a lone wiener rolling about Sam's club property? It's so sad and pathetic that I was so frustrated I actually sat in my car and cried. Yes! Real tears until I thought of the reality of the situation and how much mileage I could get from the humor of the missing wiener set in and I laughed until I had to go back into Sam's Club and use the rest room!

Walking in faith or fear?

2011-06-12T00:11:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about faith lately, and how it is being challenged in my life. I find myself standing on the threshold of what seems a very dark and unknown abyss. (I know, that sounds so "drama queen"). It's scary... I keep thinking, "what happens if..." you name it the dot dot dot could be anything and I have worried about it. I know that I have blogged about this before, I still need to learn it.

Matthew 11:28 says

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

I know that God will give me rest, so why do I have such a hard time submitting myself to Him? That question is crashing around in my head all the time lately. I have been blessed with the gift of faith. I read those very words in my Patriarchal blessing. I continually strive to follow obediently with that unfeigned faith. And seriously, I've never had a hard time with it. But, I stand here now, facing this trial that was thrust upon me ... money is dwindling and fear keeps creeping into the corners of my mind. I am constantly feeling "less than" and staying on top of a positive attitude has been quite a challenge at best. I don't know what to do? I pray constantly for inspiration and direction but instead I get a person with a position of deep trust in my life, basically telling me that I am indeed less. And then I am afraid of what is to become of me. things are not working out! In my head I know of a surety that God is the one in charge. But I have misinterpreted answers to prayers enough lately to know that I don't get it. What was easy before seems incredibly hard right now. And as I study the scriptures I find that fear is faith in reverse. Fear is a negative belief in something. Belief is the very foundation of faith. I need the Lord to help me in my unbelief. I know that faith is just a whisper that moves slowly like a breeze through my soul. I have felt its strength in my life and all I can do now is pray for my Father to help me trust so that I can walk in faith without fear.

Nice thoughts give me strength

2011-06-08T09:36:00.000-07:00

Trying to keep a positive attitude at this time in my life is a challenge at best. I went out to a flat tire yesterday and need a new one. (a tire that is not flat) Where is the money supposed to come from? I am constantly being reminded that I am not enough ... life is hard sometimes.

I am grateful that my nephew was available to come and put my spare tire on my car ... I am grateful for my Heavenly Father .... I am grateful for the sunshine, it improves my mood :o)

I found a quote that warmed my heart this morning:

"You have the power to change lives! You do it everyday just by being yourself! Your energy attitude and smile have more of an impact than you know. In fact, where ever you go you make people feel better just by being there, an that matters!"

So I will try and keep that thought in my head and my heart when I feel like life bites!

True Confessions

2011-05-25T18:16:00.000-07:00

If I thought my life would be better by hanging upsidedown from a cat perch, I would try it!

I have not had health insurance since October ... therefore I have cut corners on necessary medications. I don't want to have a stroke or heart attack so I have been purchasing my blood pressure and cholesterol medication without fail. However in order to get medicated for the month of June, my Doctor insisted I come in for a much needed visit. She asked me today how I was doing. (that was a loaded question).

I began:

~I am unemployed ... and if one more person asks me if I have a job yet. I am going to take them out!
~I'm fat and I am trying so hard to lose weight and it is not coming off! I am doing all the right things, changing my eating habits ... exercising etc .... but the diet gods are just laughing in my face!
~My mother may have her breast cancer back again and facing a double mastectomy
~I had to go to Walmart last night for a personal item ... it was 11:00 pm so it was not crowded but I wanted to destroy anyone or anything that looked at me.
~I really want to slap someone so don't get in my way!
~And if one more of my "adopted" grandma's tells me I never got married because I am fat and I should have bi-pass surgery ... I will punch her in the face!
~I really want to hurt Arnold Schwarzenegger and I don't even know him!
I'll stop now before I get violent!

What my Doctor said:

~I'm sorry you are unemployed ...
~You are probably not going to lose weight very fast because this med and that med that you are already taking is probably hindering that ... it will happen, but it will be very slow
~Have you had a mammogram ... we have a program you can get it done at no cost.
~Wanting to slap people or "take them out" is not a healthy display of emotion so maybe we can prescribe a new anxiety med
~Do these older ladies realize that surgery costs lots of money and has difficult side effects, are they going to pay for it? It may be beneficial for you to hold off keeping their company until further notice.
~Unless you know Arnold personally, let it go....

She prescribed a new med for anxiety ... I'm calling it my happy pill!

AAAAHHHH

Where are all my comments??? sniff sniff

2011-05-17T15:42:00.000-07:00

I’m not sure when I started basing my self worth on how many comments I received… I am sure, based on my last few posts I should be in need of therapy by now… (hence, the tiny little psychologist posted ). To read my blog is to love me…to comment makes my sun shine!

Are your batteries in backwards ???

2011-05-16T10:07:00.000-07:00

I was having a conversation about my life with my sister in law. I told her that If I get to heaven and St Peter reveals at the gate that I have been punked and this life was all a joke, I will not be too happy! All this crap for nothing but a laugh...ha! (And yes, I know, my crap is mild considering so no e-mails from the peanut gallery ...LOL) A couple of days later I was cleaning trash out of my car and found my poor dead digital camera. It was quite expensive and never mind that I had hardly used it ... I spilled something on it and killed it dead. I sat there, contemplating on if I was ready to throw it out and realized that there was a picture card in there (what are those do hickies called?) So, I decided to run over to Walmart and see if the pictures were any good or if I had ruined that too...
I stood there getting help from the clerk. She took the camera and and pulled the card do hickie out and made another observation... "What did you say happened to the phone?" She asked ... "Diet Coke spilled on it... I tried new batteries but when that didn't work I decided that funeral plans were in order..." I laughed.
"Well," she began " I don't see any damage caused by moisture, so your camera case must have absorbed it." then she turned the camera around, opened up the battery compartment and removed and then replaced the batteries. "Your batteries were in backwards." She stated ... she then turned on my camera and took a couple of pictures of the fine retail establishment. "See, good as new!"
Well, I'll be hog tied! Batteries in backwards, who knew? I got to thinking about the heaven conversation with my sister in law and was suddenly overcome with the possibility that maybe my life is not working well because my batteries are in backwards ... what if I get to heaven and St Peter says..." Your batteries were in backwards, sweetie ... too bad you didn't realize it, things may have been different."
So, How do you check your life batteries? I would imagine scripture study and prayer will help. Totally surrendering to the will of our Heavenly Father as well has complete trust and faith, those concepts are huge. I think about my own personality and realize that losing the occasional bad attitude might help ...LOL! Total submission to our Father's will is easier said than done... I want to submit ... but that requires trust and faith...that is where I am challenged ... I try. Some days are better than others. I have a deep, fervent desire to be obedient. I also want my mission here in life to be fulfilled, unfortunately, I have no idea what that mission is. I know what I wanted it to be, but that's not what it turned out to be and I have spent way to much time pining and whining about what never was. Now I stand here at a crossroads not knowing quite how to handle my challenges, my growing need for welfare, for being surrounded by the reality that I am just not enough ... I am not young enough, cute enough, thin enough. How do you shift your way of thinking? apparently my batteries have been in backwards for some time and I have not been successful in fixing them ... maybe my life has never worked properly because of backward batteries (hmmm). Total submission to our Father requires a great deal of personal strength. To actually give Him your concerns and burdens and allow Him to work things out in His time. I am the bratty child that stands at his feet whining, "your not going fast enough! Hurry, Hurry, Hurry!"
When you give something away, it is no longer yours. If you give your life to the Lord, He’ll give it right back to you with so much more added to it. So why are we so afraid to give it up? Is it my narcisistic desire to be in complete control? John 10:10 says, “… I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” I want a more abundant life! Who doesn't? So what is my problem?

Additionally Mosiah 24:14 says, “And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.”
So, the truth is, my Father wants me to have an abundant life, He has not left me alone in my trials and he will take my burdens and carry them ... it seems like a no brainer to me, yet I still struggle ... go figure.
I know that my Father In Heaven can do so much more with my life than I can. My job at this moment is to pray each day to be open to the promptings of the Holy Ghost. I must submit to His will, I must trust Him, because I know His plan for me is unfailing.

Life's Embarrassing Moments ...

2011-05-14T07:50:00.000-07:00

I was having a conversation with a young person in my life. A harmless conversation. She had a writing assignment to tell about her most embarrassing moment. She asked me to share mine with her! Well, I have had many embarrassing moments in my life ... I shared the highlights with her ...

Embarrassing moment #1: THE WRAP AROUND SKIRT

I was 19 and a sophomore at the University of Utah ... it was finals and I had been studying feverishly for hours at the Marriott Library in the center of Campass. It was a beautiful spring day and I had celebrated the beauty of the new season by wearing a brand new wrap around skirt to school ... (very fashionable back in the day). I was so wrapped up in my studying that the time got away from me and I suddenly realized that I had 15 minutes to run half way across campass to make it to my final! The very one I had been studying for! I grabbed my books and ran out to the center plaza right outside of the library door. A sorority sister stopped me and we quickly exchanged the daily scoop. As I stood there, I shifted my books to my other hip and ... there you go ... the beautiful floral wrap around skirt had come untied and fell to the ground ... revealing my pretty under panties (I was not endowed then, so they were traditional panties .... oh, and I was much thinner back in the day so they were bikini style ....) needles to say, me, standing there in my skivvies warranted cat calls...whistles...strange animal sounds and applause from all corners of the plaza .... I picked up my skirt with all of the dignity I could muster and went on to my final. I have been scarred for years ...

Embarrassing moment #2: THE GREAT CELL PHONE INCIDENT

I blogged about this before, so if it seems you are having a deja' vu... you are! This was an incident that happened during an endowment session at the Jordan River Temple. You know, one of those incredibly sacred events that require a great deal of reverence ...

There I was, preparing myself for a spiritually defining moment in my frustrating life, The session had only been going for a few moments when a cell phone began to ring! Never mind that the cell phone should not have been in that sacred room at all, I immediately began to panic because it was my phone and everyone knew it, after all, it was my boobs a ringing (yes! I had put my phone in my bra and forgot to remove it in the dressing room!) To add to my embarrassment my ring tone was the rather irreverent song Taylor Swift sings "You're a red neck heartbreak who's really bad at lying ... As far as I'm concerned you're just another picture to burn!" Mortified, not knowing what to do I naturally fumbled to turn the phone off without reaching down my neckline to grab the phone, but to know avail! And a sweet old temple worker coming over to my seat to ask me to turn off the phone... THEY STOPPED THE SESSION!! I was then escorted to the hallway and another temple worker waited as I fished for the phone ... turned it off and let him (the temple worker) take temporary custody of the ill placed electronic device! Then to be escorted back to my seat so the session could be continued! To this day, I wonder what memories my fellow sessioners have in what I like to refer to as the great cell phone incident! I still have nightmares about it! LOL. I wondered at the time if it warranted a trip to the Bishop's office??? I never went ... to confess that incident nor have I ever confessed my recent temple mishap of accidentally flushing my knee high stockings down the toilet in the ladies room...
(I secretly fear having the Bishop strip me of my temple attending privileges!)

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T20:24:00.000-07:00

My mom is the cute curly headed gal behind the kid with the glasses!
I have my hand on the ape, whom we used to joke was our dad ...
It was my 15th birthday. Bryan is below me age 13,
Kayleen in the sailor shirt age 16 and Leon in the Mickey Mouse shirt age 12

Mother's day! It can be an interesting day for me. I try not to think about never having the opportunity to have children of my own and rather focus on the Joy of my mother ... great friends in my life...and an amazing sister! Actually, I have a few of those!

I received a booklet from a sweet friend written by Sheri Dew entitled "Are We Not All Mothers?" I read it and was strengthened! "Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.
President Gordon B. Hinckley stated that “God planted within women something divine.” That something is the gift and the gifts of motherhood. Women are born with an inherent right, an inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls … and the regenerating force in the lives of God’s children.”

Motherhood is the most ennobling endowment our Father In Heaven could give His daughters, a sacred trust that gave women an unparalleled role in helping His children keep their second estate.
Elder John A. Widtsoe was explicit: “Women who through no fault of their own cannot exercise the gift of motherhood directly, may do so vicariously.”

For reasons only known to the Lord, I have been required to wait for my dream of a family, which I am sure the waiting will carry on to my next estate. This delay is so hard for me, especially as my friends and family graduate from motherhood to grandmotherhood. The Lord’s timetable for me does not change my nature which means that I must simply find other ways to be a mother. All around us are those who need to be loved and led. I have the responsibility to love and help lead the rising generation. How will our young women learn to live as women of God unless they see what women of God look like, meaning what we wear, watch, and read; how we fill our time and our minds; how we face temptation and uncertainty; where we find true joy; and why modesty and femininity are hallmarks of righteous women? How will our young men learn to value women of God if we don’t show them the virtue of our virtues?

I am so grateful that I can mother vicariously through my nieces, nephews, and other children in my life! I am grateful for the parents of all those children who allow me the joy of influencing their children's lives. and until I have children of my own ... there is so much to do :o) ...

My sister, Ruth, will be having her baby on Tuesday the 10th ... it's a boy, His name will be August. My sister in Law, Mindi will be having a baby girl on Thursday. I think they are naming her, Lucy ... I could be wrong. My niece, Devin, recently announced she is having a Baby in December and my nephew will become a dad in October. My other nephew became a dad in March! Not to mention all the sweet ones that are already here and growing up WOW! So many babies and only one auntie Jana! My work is just beginning! LOL! I am thrilled for all of them.

I was just wondering

2011-05-02T19:35:00.000-07:00

~ I was just wondering why anyone would ever want to have buns of steel!?!

~I was just wondering why I allowed myself to get so out of shape that I need a running start just to go for a walk!?!

~ I was just wondering why putting on an apron makes people think you can actually cook!?!

~ I was just wondering why my self image is so damaged ? ... it would be fine if there weren't so many people to compare myself to!

~ I was just wondering who I confess to accidentally flushing my knee high pantyhose down the toilet in the temple women's dressing room bathroom??

These things I quietly ponder... I really don't know why?

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T23:31:00.000-07:00

Jesus was betrayed.

He was denied, accused and rejected.

They bound Him and scourged Him.

They mocked, reviled and spit on him.

He atoned for our sins in Gethsemane

bleeding from every pore... he bled for me.

He was nailed to a beam and hung on a cross and

In the 9th hour He cried unto His Father feeling forsaken

and then He died.

In three days He rose ... He suffered, died and was resurrected that I might have eternal life!

I praise His name! Glory Hallelujah!

He is the greatest man that ever lived. There is no-one who will matter as much or make the same difference as this solitary life. It is through Him and only through Him that we will have life eternal. No unclean thing can enter into heaven. Because of His great love for us He was willing to pay the price...a debt He did not owe, for people like me who could not pay. With that He carries my burden and He carries me into the loving arms of my Father day by day if I walk with Him.

David Osmond wrote a song called, The Loneliest Walk, here are the last verses:

He pushes up the board they’ve tied onto his shoulders

He bears, with dignity, disgrace

He hears the jeering and the wind is getting colder

Tastes the blood upon his face

His body bruised and back still open from the scourges

The consequence of wicked men

He knows no man on earth has ever deserved this

But still he bears it all for them

And He keeps moving up the hill to do his fathers will

Withe each step he takes there's another to follow

and one more ache, one more tear to swallow

we all stand by and watch as the price is paid

Through the loneliest walks of his life

so we don’t feel alone in the night

we can have his hand holding the light

through the lowliest walks of our lives

Keep pushing through this lonely walk you're going through

Cause someones walked this way before.

Sprinkles make life better...

2011-04-10T19:11:00.000-07:00

I remember when I was a child, my uncle would stop for ice cream for any given reason or for no reason at all and whom ever was in the car with him was treated to the creamy decadence of the frozen treat! He stopped at Fendells ... which I don't even think is there anymore (on 7th east, and about 450 south) I loved going there, I always got ice cream with whipped cream and sprinkles! Sprinkles always made it better! for as long as I can remember sprinkles have made anything and everything better!

I listened to the cutest audio story online http://stacyjulian.com/sprinkles/?page_id=16 and I started thinking, Life is better with sprinkles! Donuts, cupcakes and ice cream are always better with sprinkles ... but I'm not talking about those ... I am talking about the little sprinkles we count on everyday to just get through the day. sometimes those sprinkles are not obvious. sometimes we have to look for them ... "go shopping for your daily sprinkles" as it were.

My life...huh ...is at a very frustrating crossroad ...There are things about it that really bite! But I'm OK and I have the faith that this too shall pass. However, it is so easy to get overwhelmed by the circumstances I am in, the frustration for not being where I want and need to be is not just maddening, it's depressing! So when I listened to the cute story about sprinkles on Stacy Julian's site, I started thinking about daily sprinkles ... the ones that make life better; sprinkles of light, sprinkles of sunshine, sprinkles of hope, faith or peace, or even sprinkles of joy, laughter or gratitude! those moments in any given day that bring you what you need to get you through the day or just through the moment sometimes.

Sometimes just noticing the details of something wondrous in God's world is a sprinkle of light, like a flower or a butterfly ... or a ladybug ...

Or spending a moment laughing at something totally ridiculous ...

Or taking a moment to ponder and listen to the still small voice and realize how blessed you are, even in the chaos of your daily trials!

I experienced a sprinkle of pure joy today when a little girl at church told me I laugh like an angel...

when I said to her that she was lucky because I've never heard an angel laugh, she very earnestly replied... "You need to be still, very still and listen..and you can here it!" Her statement brought me to tears. I realized that I need to listen with the pure innocence of a child... and maybe I can hear it too!

"Sprinkles are such little things, yet when you shake a few sprinkles on top of something ordinary it becomes extraordinary! When you learn to follow your curiosities, practice daily creativity, and treat people with unexpected compassion, you discover a magical dimension of life that is completely delightful in every way!" adapted from a quote on stacyjulian.com

I changed the quote a bit, (sorry Stacy). I have realized that life is filled with sprinkles! And sprinkles must be savored! To savor your sprinkles, however, it is necessary to recognize them, to find them everyday and load them up as treasures in your heart! Today I promise myself to find my daily sprinkles! Maybe you can embark on that journey as well, it could be a great adventure.

When In Doubt...

2011-03-29T21:04:00.000-07:00

Make that last minute trip to the bathroom...

it may be just what you need to keep your self respect ... I refuse to go further with this story ...you do the math.

Make sure that familiar face is someone you actually know before speaking to them as though you do!

otherwise you just look crazy to a total stranger!

Leave your personal items out of your bra,

it's scary sometimes what you realize you stashed in there after you are finished with a job interview ... (let's just pray nothing looked out of the ordinary during the interview)

make sure you are definitely alone ...

before burping like a sailor while sitting in your car with the window rolled down
( or at least role up the window)

look at the signs on the public restroom before you enter

                                   the men's room is a very embarrassing place to be caught with your
                       pants down (literally and figuratively)when you are a women ...

             (disclaimer: I was in a stall...the door was shut ... when realizing I went into the wrong restroom, I merely waited until the man whom used the urinal, which by the way, I missed... left. I saw nothing, nor did he, therefore no one was violated and I was the only embarrassed party)

Variety is the spice of life...

2011-03-20T21:22:00.000-07:00

My last post was March 6th ... let me fill you in on the happenings of life since then.

First: Egg Explosion!

No, this was not a scene from the new film HOP. I put some eggs on to boil and then promptly began a phone conversation. After a bit I heard a terrible pop...as though someone was firing shots in my kitchen! My house was either under attack or my cat was shooting targets! I hung up my phone conversation with no explanation except an inaudible screech and ran toward the smoke filled room. Just as I entered the kitchen, my very cheap pan burst into flames! Thankfully my kitchen is very small and throwing the pan into the sink and dowsing it with water only slightly burned the hot pad I grabbed the pan with! However, now my house was filled with smoke and a stench that only eggs can emit! ewww! Don't worry, it's either that or cat smell...in any case it offered variety ...

Second: Wet cat

I blogged previously about my sweet cat and her desire to drown her own kitty toys ...resorting to drowning them in the toilet...well, the last time she tried to drown her toy in the toilet she fell in after it! Poor wet kitty... at least now she operates with caution in the bathroom ... and I err on the side of caution myself by shutting the bathroom door :o)

So there... my life in two paragraphs, not to exciting by the way!

A Little Obsessive Is An Understatement ...

2011-03-06T12:27:00.000-08:00

OK... I have confessed about my sticker obsession and I thought I had aired my obsessive laundry sufficiently! I was wrong ... In my attempt to kill the dust bunnies on steroids in my home and prevent permanent infestations I have discovered even more paper fetishes ... JOURNALS AND NOTEBOOKS.
No, these journals of which are getting higher by count than I care to admit are unused and completely blank. So, I cant even justify my obsession with the argument that I am recording history. Really, all I can say is that I have spent money in the attempt to satisfy my addiction if you will, I don't know what else to say. There is no logic here, absolutely no good excuse, just excessive purchasing of plain writing material. or something ....
I have counted, thus far, at least 27 unused journals (YES, I SAID 27!!!) ... some of them in their original purchased form ... (still in the shopping bag that the clerk placed them in) with receipts dating back to the early to mid 1980's. And if that is not enough ... there are at least 5 of them that I am currently writing in. Why so many? I have no stinkin idea! OK, and I have found 15 unused spiral notebooks ... why ? I am not sure. I have an unhealthy, almost bizarre need to buy the notebooks when they are on sale at Walmart for 10 cents apiece. I don't need them, and since I have become "budget challenged" I have not purchased any of these books ... I have purchased stickers though, so there is no self control being practiced here.

My name is Jana ... I am addicted to paper!

Poor Little Mousie ...

2011-03-02T22:24:00.000-08:00

In the past I blogged about my cat and her incessant need to bury paraphernalia in her litter box. As humorous or disturbing as this may have been, she now has resorted to drowning her victims with no burial. She plays with kitty toys...she loves the little mice that Hartz makes( See photo:)

Because these mice are so brightly colored, they are of course full of dye ... I have noticed recently that Maggie's drinking water has taken on brilliant shades of color! Much like Easter egg coloring! Then upon closer inspection, I find her mouse drowned in the bottom of the bowl. It's kind of sad in a way, fishing these little creatures from a watery grave so I can dry the furry little carcass with a paper towel, knowing full well that the poor thing will just end up there again. Poor Maggie needs a kitty whisperer. Maybe she is trying to tell me something by acting out in such a strange fashion....maybe she just gets thirsty while playing and when she leans over to get a drink her little mouse friend just takes an inadvertent tumble. Maybe my wondering what the underlying reasons are is just my own bizarre need to fix everything ... it's kind of hard to say. However, I was just about ready to sign this off as strange kitty behavior when I went to use the restroom and she had drowned her little friend in the toilet! I didn't fish it out, I didn't notice it until I made my own deposit and I chalked this poor little furry carcass as one who had ended it's little life and flushed it!

I think Maggie needs to see a Psychiatrist. Or maybe I do ... one of us has a problem.

Confession ...

2011-02-22T09:48:00.000-08:00

I know you've all heard of sticker shock ... Well, my friends, I am going to redefine the term for you! As those of you closest to me know, I have some extra time on my hands right now. Because of this, I have been trying to reorganize my house. Out with the old ....and no more new! I need to do these things...really, I haven't seen the bottom of some of this crap since before I moved into this condo and sadly, I have been here for 8 and a half years! So, yesterday I decided to go through these containers that have been stacked on my craft table since I moved in. Within the stacks I found spools of brand new ribbon, brand new glue sticks that had shriveled and died before I ever even opened the package and dust bunnies! I was mortified by the dust bunnies!! They were dust bunnies on steroids at best! It was frightening, to say the least. However, the most humiliating part of my mission yesterday was the discovery of boxes filled with aged stickers! I have not minced words in the past of my serious addiction to stickers! I love stickers! I buy them when I don't need them ... I mean, who actually "needs" a sticker? I do use them, but unfortunately, I do not use them as quickly as I should .... kind of like food storage that never gets rotated! Anyway, as I was rifling through this sticker container I found a Hallmark sack full of stickers purchased when??? I found the receipt! They were purchased in Trumbull Connecticut February 1988! YES PEOPLE!!! I SAID 1988!!!! You do the math! That is a 23 year old bag of stickers!!! Not only did I waste $10.41 cents in 1988 ... They are stickers that have lost their stick ability! They can no longer fill the measure of their creation! So, in reality, I murdered the stickers!! They lost their lives because of my greed for " more " and my lack of organizational skill and discipline! Please forgive me!
I have now confessed ... however,I must leave you now, there is a sticker sale at Hobby Lobby and I can't miss it!

Because Of Him ... there is hope.

2011-02-20T19:05:00.000-08:00

I was at a craft store yesterday ... there was a young mom with three kids, the baby crying, and two older children whining and fighting ... the poor mom looked frustrated, fatigued and helpless, like she was dangling on her last nerve. Then to top it all off, two older women were rolling their eyes at the fussing children and one said much too loudly to the other, " It's so annoying when you can't even shop without having to listen to this crap!" I was so annoyed with the two old farts that I said, (much too loudly!) " It's so annoying when two old farts fuss about other peoples kids, what's she supposed to do with them?, It's illegal to tie them up like horses outside!" The young mom laughed, but I saw the tears in her eyes as she moved her little family to the door.

I was saddened, for the frustrated mom and for the lack of compassion from the older women ... I kept thinking about the incident as I drove away. I had been feeling the heaviness of my own burdens and trials all day. I was missing my bother who passed away a year and a half ago. I felt picked on and lonely. I felt this poor young mom was probably feeling a little picked on herself.

Life is interesting at best. There is always something ... something lonely, sad, frustrating or maddening, sometimes there's so much of it that it's overwhelming! ...

David Osmond sings a song called "The Loneliest Walk" ... I was deeply moved by the last verse ...

"He pushes up the board they've tied onto his shoulders
He bears, with dignity, disgrace
He hears the jeering and the wind is getting colder
Tastes the blood upon his face
His body bruised an back still open from the scourges
The consequence of wicked men
He knows no man on earth has ever deserved this
But still He bears it all for them
And He keeps moving up the hill to do His Father's will
With each step He takes there's another to follow
And one more ache, one more tear to swallow
We all stand by and watch as the price is paid
Through the loneliest walk of His life
So we don't feel alone in the night
We can have His hand holding the light
Through the loneliest walk of our lives.

Keep pushing through this lonely walk you're going through
'Cause some one's walked this way before."

Listening to this verse over and over on my CD player and very overcome with emotion. My heart was burning with gratitude that we have a Savior who loves us so much that He would walk that lonely walk and feel the weight and pain of all the world so that no matter what we go through ...

The mom who is juggling fussy kids ..
The lonely gal with a cat and no job ...
the widow who misses her husband so desperately that she feels like the pain will never end...
the person who's health is spiraling out of control and just one more test seems like just one too many...

No matter what we are faced with ... because of the Savior, we have hope. The hope we need to get through all of the crud. The hope that is the umbrella that shields us from the rain, the blanket of His love that warms us when it is cold and lonely. But mostly, He is the light at the end of the trial! The warmth, the joy and the peace that are the gifts of his suffering. Praise Him for loving us that much.

"And what is it that we shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of His ressurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in Him according to the promise." --Moroni 7:41

A pathetic cry for seasonal gifts...!

2011-02-13T00:06:00.000-08:00

Awe ...cute!

written by: Jana Jeppson 2/2011 (adapted from popular song "Mr Sandman")

Mr Cupid,
Bring me a man
make him the nicest guy you possibly can.
make him a temple recommend holder
and tell him that his single days are over.

Mr. Cupid,
I'm so alone
I need a sweetheart that I can call my own
I want a guy with a really good job
and it would help if he wasn't a slob!

Mr Cupid,
A sweet valentine
It would be so great if he'd say, "Please Be Mine!"
Then top it of with some jewelry and cheers ...
oh, I've been dreaming of this sweetie for years!

Mr Cupid,
I've asked Santa Claus
and he ignored my sweet wish for this cause.
I'm hoping I don't sound sad and pathetic
or sick enough to call paramedics.

So, Mr Cupid,
I'm counting on you ...
show me the magic I know you can do

please read my heart and send me a dream ...
Just bring me, Cupid, please bring to me, Cupid
Mr Cupid, bring me a dream!

Disclaimer: This pathetic peom was written in the wee hours of the morning, and though it does sound a bit whiney, it is humorous, and so I will keep it posted ... LOL ;o)

Kindness is the key ...

2011-02-08T17:03:00.000-08:00

My life has been a challenge over the past few months. Frustration is at the surface and my heart is burdened with the realities of life. I don't have a job, I gave my employer everything I had and more, and still was left unemployed. I feel as though my spirit is bruised, I have no self confidence and I have felt lost and defeated. I don't blame ... it is what it is, but the reality is the fact that life bites right now. I share these thoughts of my personal life only because it is relevant to the message I wanted to post today. I have prayed and prayed for peace. I have a routine of prayer and scripture study and gratitude expression that strengthens my faith, restores my hope and helps me think outside of myself, so all is not lost. But what has offered that peace I have prayed for has been kindnesses shown to me. Kindness is love. It is joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and understanding. Kindness recognizes and cultivates the connectedness of each and every human being. I have received kind and encouraging words, my stake RS presidency brought me flowers ... a dear friend brought me pizza and bread sticks! Though the gifts are not the point, the point is the kindness shown. I have been able to reach out with gratitude, in spite of all my troubles I am truly blessed. We live in a time where violence is celebrated and abuse is video taped and flagged on the Internet for entertainment. What matters most is love. I can do more to move outside my own woes to lift another. I know we all can. I want to celebrate the goodness that I believe exists in spite of all the frustration! I don't know where this path I am on will end up, but I do have the faith that the Lord has my back and is very mindful of my bruised spirit. He constantly whispers to the hearts of many, and I am lifted. Thank you to all who give me hope and share their spirits, here is a poem I wrote for you:

KINDNESS IS A GIFT
-poem written by Jana Jeppson February 2011

My dear friend
because of you
your kindness shared
made me feel new.

Did you know
just what you gave
was the sword and shield
that made me brave,

to face the trials
that life does bring.
When hope felt lost
you made me sing.

You may have thought
'twas no big deal
but, for me it was
so very real.

I know, dear friend
you heard God's voice
He whispered sweet,
you made the choice.

And then your love
so quietly
touched my soul
and lifted me.

"No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.”
- Amelia Earhart

I have listed ways you too can share your self to spread kindness everywhere:

1. Be generous with your smile. It’s free but can turn a challenging day into a brighter one.
2. Surprise someone with an unexpected thoughtful gift no matter how small.
3. Call and an old friend.
4.Volunteer time to help the homeless.
5. Send a handwritten letter or postcard telling someone why you appreciate them.
6. Serve to a person who needs help.
7. Mentor a child in need.
8. Show up at your friend’s special events.
9. Remember your friend’s birthday and do something special for them.
10. Accept, unconditionally the people around you.

“Kindness is the essence of greatness and the fundamental characteristic of the noblest men and women I have known. Kindness is a passport that opens doors and fashions friends. It softens hearts and molds relationships that can last lifetimes.” --Joseph B Wirthlin

Whatever Happened To Snail Mail???

2011-02-01T18:56:00.000-08:00

Don't get me wrong folks, I love a good e-mail along with the next gal! I really enjoy getting comments on my blog posts. Text messages from the nieces and nephews are a good thing, but I miss snail mail! I was rummaging through a box and found a birthday card sent to me by my grandma in 2001, that's the last birthday card I ever got from her. She passed away just days before my birthday that year but had already written the card. I stared at her handwriting and it brought tears to my eyes. Do kids even realize today how valuable handwriting is? That it is an actual piece of someone that can be cherished? Does that sound corny? I don't mean it to but as I fumbled through the box further, I found more priceless treasures. and my heart was moved as I read notes from old friends and family members.

I read a note that a dear friend gave to me when I lost my job. I have read that note at least a hundred times over the last few months ... it gives me encouragement and hope. It reminds me that no matter how frustrating and unfair my life seems right now, there are people who are with me, who care and pray for me.

I know that we all feel insignificant and alone now and again. Because of that I know how important those written notes can be to offer comfort and strength. I saw a news report and then read an article online about a man who committed to writing a thank you note every day for a year and how it changed his life. Perhaps I need to take a lesson from him and make a point to noticing and expressing gratitude to individuals in my own life. I also read an article by a girl who, after being diagnosed with a debilitating disease, was encouraged to step outside of her "poor me" attitude and do something for others in order to refocus. So she decided to give 29 gifts in 29 days. She said it changed her life. I was thinking, I too need to refocus my energy. I could take this new found knowledge and use it to benefit someone besides me ... the possibilities are endless....hummmm ...
I think in order to see your world change, you must do something to change your world. Just a thought.

My Life Story ...

2011-01-22T00:58:00.000-08:00

Justin Bieber has written an autobiography. I was thinking, what on earth does he have to write about, he's 16! I doubt I'll read it...
Should I write my autobiography? I don't know if I have anything interesting enough to say, well interesting enough to compel any readers to partake of my written word ... hard to say, really. If I did write my biography, I may be able to lure readers in with a catchy title;

"Ding Dongs, Zingers, Donuts...And Other Pastry's I Have Known"
"Echoes Of My Mind And Other Cries For Help"
"Diaries Of An Insomniac ...101 Things To Do At 3:00 am"
"Just Who Is Ben? And Other Fictional Men I Have Dated"
or Maybe ...
"Unemployed And Too Pretty To Work"
"I Blog, Therefore I Am"
"I Think My Timing Was Off ... Memoirs Of A Gal That Is Perpetually A Day Late and A Dollar Short"

Would you read one of those books? Maybe my mother would ...as long as it didn't interfere with her favorite TV programs.
I haven't done anything in my life that warrants a parade ...but I can occasionally pen words of wisdom and humor! I think, but do I really have anything to say???
I think we all have something to say as we live and experience life. We learn, we grow, we laugh, we cry, we hope, we dream. What we experience matters. We make a difference, each of us in our own way, we make a difference to ourselves and to those around us. I think when we get lost in the day to day stuff that we all have, we forget that life is here for us to partake of and sometimes the seemingly smallest thing can make a huge difference to the bigger picture of our existence. Maybe one day I will pen my life story. I don't think it will be as big as "I Nephi, having been born of goodly parents..." But I don't doubt that whatever I have to say will be valuable. Even if it is valuable just to me.
So, as I walk the path of life I will find joy in the journey and experience a giggle a minute which will give my biography a flare of humor so at least it will be entertaining to read!

The revival of a domestic goddess ...

2011-01-14T19:45:00.000-08:00

OK, back in the day when I was young and full of dreams of being a wife and mother I could actually cook ... it is true, believe it or not...
Anyway, as the years progressed and I became accustom to my singledom (is that a word?) I learned to order out and drive through and a home cooked meal was something I could reheat in the microwave ... I thought that somewhere in time my domestic self died...however, I have recently discovered my domestic alter ego was merely rendered unconscious and shoved in a closet in the darkest places of my mind ...
Due to lack of budget and a growing need for welfare, I have revived my sleeping domestic beauty and I have made sugar cookies for a grieving friend! I have crock potted meals, grilled Monte Kristo sandwiches and made egg salad at 2:30 am ... I KNOW, I am as shocked as you are!!!
However, tonight I thought I was prepared enough to take creative liberty's with instant potatoes! WRONG! I was going to make potatoes with cheese that would blend nicely with the broccoli and pork dish that I had whipped up. They were instant potatoes ...sounds easy enough don't you think? Instead of plain water to mix the flaky little gems I thought I would add some pork drippings to ad flavor .... something went terribly wrong ... when the potatoes were "done" the were not very appetizing to look at ... a little brown in color and very crumbly, so I added more hot water ... well, the consistency looked more normal so I thought I would try some. I sprinkled with grated cheese and took a huge bite! ARGGGGG! It tasted like a greasy burnt hot dog!!! defeated ... I had a potato-less meal. It's OK, I did not need the extra carbs anyway! And perhaps the poor domestic diva that was recently released from her captivity just needs some extra training ... instant potatoes 101 comes to mind.

HOPE

2011-01-06T18:11:00.000-08:00

The word of the year is Hope ...

Definition of HOPE

1. to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence and expectation.

2. a wish or aspiration for a desired outcome.

3. something or someone that renews confidence.

Archaic . to place trust; rely

I have alot to hope for in this new year. A friend of mine told me that when God closes a door,he opens a window, but the hallway you are left standing in until the window opens can sometimes be cold, lonely and dark.
I am truely blessed, so I think my hallway is just annoying. Life is what it is ... and Here's to the hope that gets gets me out of that annoying place.:)

Christmas Poem 2010 written by me Janalea

2010-12-21T20:15:00.000-08:00

Twas long ago and far away
a tiny babe was born
and with the gifts He brought with Him
came a love never known.

How I wish I could have been there
to hold His tiny hand,
and have this child bless me
so I might understand.

On the streets of Galilee
the babe grew to a man.
He taught mankind the truth's He knew,
so thy might understand.

How I wish I could have been there
He may have held my hand
and when life hurt He'd wipe my tears
then help me understand.

Yet mocked and scorned by many
He then was crucified ...
He suffered in Gethsemane
before He hung and died.

How I wish I could have been there
to make nay Sayers see
that He is the King of Kings
a gift of love to you and me.

I didn't need to be there,
it's He who is with me ...
through faith and hope I hear His voice
helping me to understand.

May the true meaning of the season fill your hearts and homes with His Love!

Christmas Questionare

2010-12-04T23:37:00.000-08:00

Christmas Questionnaire
1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot chocolate ...egg nog is was not meant for human consumption!

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Wrapped ...!!!!

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? I love to look at houses with all kinds of lights! multi colored are my favorite I think! White ones are pretty on more elegant trees! I don't put up alot of lights because of a crazy cat and I can't climb up to anything, because, well let's face it, I fall down going to the bathroom (and I have the bruises to proove it!!!)

4. Do you hang mistletoe? No, but it would be fun to have it hung. The fact that I have no-one to kiss under it brings the reality to the table that the poor mistletoe would not fill the measure of it's creation if it lived at my house! (Sad but true)

5. When do you put up your decorations? Week end after Thanksgiving as a rule, however, Due to sheer laziness it didn't happen until yesterday this year.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? I love cheese Balls!! I love food ...so this question is loaded! I'll take one of each ... minus the coconut ... add some gravy!

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? Santa would come and see us in the flesh on Christmas Eve (my uncle Ken) I can't even think of those precious memories without getting teary eyed!

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? What truth??? I don't understand the question ... Santa is ... Santa Was ... and Santa will always be! And that's the truth!

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? As a kid we could open one presant and it was always pajamas! My sister carried on that tradition with her kids, I spend Christmas eve with them and wake up on Christmas morning with them, I always have ... they have another tradition ...they open gifts from each other on Christmas eve so that those gifts don't get lost in the shuffle on Christmas day.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?   I don't have a tree this year ...my cat is way more curious than I care to discuss and causes to many problems to make it worth my while ... I have other decorations though!

12. Can you ice skate? Are you kidding??? I can barely walk!! There are some people who would wrap me in bubble wrap if they could :o)!!

17. What tops your tree?  No tree this year ... dead fiberoptic fire hazard in the dumpster ... cute wreath hanging on the wall ...

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Both of course! I'll never turn down a gift :o) I love giving though, It warms my heart when I find something perfect for someone I love!

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? "What Child Is This"

20. Candy Canes? Yum ... I'll take one, I love candy cane ice cream as well, funny that I can only seem to find it at this time of year and in my head ice cream is a summer food!

21. Do you feel Christmas is too commercialized?  YES! In this world that is becoming ever darker with hopelessness and dispair we need to remember why we celebrate this day ... too many people forget or don't care at all.

Happiness Is ...

2010-11-30T04:27:00.000-08:00

Happiness Is...

HAPPINESS IS ...
finding a picture that has captured a memory (picture above I was 8)
HAPPINESS IS ...
spending the entire day with family and laughing so hard I just about busted a gut!
HAPPINESS IS ...
being auntie Jana
HAPPINESS IS ...
Candy cane ice cream. (why is it only made at this time of year?)
HAPPINESS IS ...
believing in magic, the kind that manifests itself at this time of year!
HAPPINESS IS ...
knowing that I am never alone!
HAPPINESS IS ...
Watching a sunrise on a cloudless winter morning.
and sunsets on an orange twilght sky
HAPPINESS IS ...
Having a testimony

It's all just good hygiene ...

2010-11-18T21:24:00.000-08:00

I have often wondered about my own sanity ... but then there's my cat ... perhaps insanity is environmental, maybe I have mold spores seeping through the walls of my condo, slowly, but surely eating away the "normal" from our brains. Then again, maybe "normal" is a relative term. Perhaps I just need a therapist and she needs a kitty whisperer ...at this point, it's hard to say...

I have told friends and family about my kitty and her bizarre behavior ... she plays fetch and catch and she drinks out out of the toilet ...(all I'm gonna say is it's a good thing I flush!)

I woke up in the middle of the night several weeks ago to go to the bathroom. When I sat down on the throne, I noticed that the toilet paper roll was missing . Hmmm, interesting ... there's nobody here but me and the cat. I pondered where the missing toilet paper might be. No, it had not been unrolled from the holder, the entire roll was missing, not just the paper, the little cardboard center as well. I pondered only for a moment as it was 3:00 am and how much can one ponder when one is only semi conscious? I simply replaced the missing roll and went back to bed. I woke up with the alarm a few hours later and prepared to take a shower. Upon entering the bathroom, the first thing I noticed was my toilet paper was missing. What or should I say who could possibly be responsible for the missing potty paper? Do I have a ghost with a TP fetish? I was truly freaked out at this particular time as I could not come up with a reasonable explanation. However, I needed to be somewhere so I replaced the roll and continued my morning ritual. Part of the ritual is feeding the cat and cleaning her litter box of the lumps and clumps. The moment I picked up the pooper scooper, I found one missing roll sitting neatly by the litter box. ... hummm... a cat who needs a roll of TP...I would like to video tape her using it ... I then proceeded to scoop ... lo and behold, buried deep in the trenches of kitty pee and poo poo was the mostly gone TP role. Does she think her litter box is a toilet or a treasure box for burying treasure??? ... she wouldn't say when I inquired. Go figure.
My story however does not end there. I woke up this morning and found the package of stayfree pads were knocked all over the floor ... I thought nothing of it, just picked them up and moved into my morning ritual. When I got to the part of the scooping of the pooping, I found a lone pad, opened with part of the paper backing removed that reveals the sticky part, it was buried in her kitty litter!
She was in rare sorts last night...hissing, biting and growling .... I thought she was just bored ...However, I realized that I not only have a cat that plays fetch and catch and drinks out out of the toilet ... I have one that uses toilet paper and experiences PMS as well!!!!! Interesting, very interesting ...what else can I say?

Please mourn with me...

2010-11-10T15:05:00.000-08:00

I hate spiders! No, really I do.... my soul grips with fear when I see those multiple legged stink heads. Killing them is mandatory ... I warn any one of them who may be very high on the wall or ceiling crawling around like they think they have a right to, that if they get low enough that I can reach them, they are dead! There will be no discussion, no trials, no litigation ...I just reserve the right to kill them and then scrape their dead carcass off of whatever it may be stuck to! That being said, yesterday I was sitting on my bed watching TV and playing with my cat when I saw it! Out of the corner of my eye there was a ~~monster~~ huge spider crawling across my bed! It was ginormous with a yellow strip going down the middle of its back! I was mortified and disgusted and I screamed like a little girl! jumping up ... grabbing my shoe, I proceeded to beat the creature senselessly I knocked it on the floor and still continued to beat it, afraid to stop until I was very sure it was dead! After several minutes of beating the crawly critter, I stopped to make sure it was dead and all would be right with the world! I put my shoe down and moved the sock that was in the way and realized that my ferocious spider was really the cord to my cell phone charger!!

I killed it though! It slid off of my bed making me think it was alive and I killed it! Never mind that I have completely lost my mind and have now resorted to murdering innocent electrical cords! BEWARE! The women in Apt B is unstable and she will kill anything that moves suddenly or even remotely looks like a spider ...really ...it's just sad!

Does it look dead?

Gratitude ....

2010-11-04T22:00:00.000-07:00

I was pondering my life and its current state and I was suddenly overcome with gratitude at how blessed I am Oh, I know that I've got troubles...but don't we all? I have so much to be grateful for and that's what matters most. I think that whenever I feel like life is unfair I will just stop for a minute and think some grateful thoughts ... it makes it easier to get through those tougher times...right?? after all MJ Ryan said; "One of the incredible truths about gratitude is that it is impossible to feel both the positive emotion of thankfulness and a negative emotion such as anger or fear at the same time. Gratitude births only positive feelings — love, compassion, joy, and hope. As we focus on what we are thankful for, fear, anger, and bitterness simply melt away, seemingly without effort.Gratitude is not just the key. It's a magic key — all you need to do is use it, and the world is suddenly transformed into a beautiful wonderland, in which you are invited to play. That's because, like most of the great spiritual truths, gratitude is stunningly simple."

And so I stand here, starting a new chapter to my life and not quite sure where to go from here, but grateful for my faith, my family and my friends. I know I do not walk alone and because of this what I cannot see in my life on the road ahead doesn't seem quite so scary.

I wish it could be different ...

2010-10-21T01:22:00.000-07:00

I guess it's time to rethink my life...since change has been thrust upon me.

I recently became unemployed. That is a scary thing to be faced with in this economy. It happened last week, it's taken me a while to want to talk about it.
My sweet friend, Melissa, gave me a bracelet that says, among other things, "Be Brave" . I don't feel brave right now, but I want to be.
Isn't it funny when one thing goes wrong in your life ... everything that's wrong comes to the surface. Needless to say I have shed alot of tears ... I need to dare that my life can be different and go forward in faith.
I have so much to be thankful for, first the Gospel and my Savior and my testimony.
I have a great family, wonderful friends and a crazy cat ... these are all good things!
I guess we are not always warned when we turn the pages of our life story that there are new chapters lurking in the shadows...but here I am. So the only thing to do is trust that it will all work out eventually.

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

Seriously losing it!....

2010-10-03T09:36:00.000-07:00

I woke up very early Friday morning and had time to turn on the news before leaving for work. I quickly located the remote and sat down to enjoy an hour with Dan, Kerri, Damon and Big Buddah! Locating the remote you wouldn't think would be a challenge for me as I am the only person who watches my TV, but alas, it is quite a challenge.

After about an hour of TV, I realized that I was pushing it, so I stood up, could not locate the remote and so I turned it off manually and ran out the door!
Work on Friday was not any different to any other Friday and I worked the entire day with no major trauma ... I was just getting ready to leave and ran into the copy room to grab some printing I had done. A co worker was in there with me and we made small talk as we both located our print jobs. She gave me a strange look and focused on my chest to which I curiously asked her, "Is everything Ok?" She replied, " What's that in your dress?" I reached up and touched my chest and laughed .."Oh, it's just my cell phone!" I often place it down my shirt, don't ask me why ... I guess I think my bra is an extra "pocket" for treasures ...who knows really. I reached down my dress neckline to pull out the cell phone as it was obviously in a very distracting position ... "That's a cell phone?" my co-worker quizzed, I was laughing so hard, that it would have been helpful to have on depends undergarments ... "No, it's my TV remote!" I snorted ... "and don't ask why it was there, I could not possibly tell you!" hence my friends, I am seriously losing it!

Happy Birthday To Me!

2010-08-26T21:11:00.000-07:00

I just celebrated a birthday! I Love birthday's! My mom came to town to go to her high school reunion, she came a few days early just to celebrate with me! Thanks mom! My sister and her family provided delicious nourishment and a raspberry filled birthday cake! My nephew and his girlfriend made a delightful banner and It was just an all in all nice day. The only bummer was my dad never called. I don't ask for much, just a phone call ... oh well, it's not the first time he has forgotten...I'm sure it's not the last.

Funny story, My birthday was the 22nd, which was Sunday. A sweet little 4 year old that is in my ward came up to me after meeting and handed me a starburst candy. I was thrilled and expressed to her the fact that her little piece of candy and her wish was my first wish of the day and my first present! She gave me the funniest look and said, "You're kidding! What a sad life!" I'm still giggling about it!

I went to dinner with a friend on Monday and another friend and her husband and son took me out on Tuesday (Olive Garden...YUMM!) and tomorrow night (Friday) I get to go to Red Robin! I Love Birthdays! I love milking it for all it's worth!

Thank you everybody for your presents, cards and well wishes! You make me smile!

Let Go and Let God...

2010-08-15T18:03:00.000-07:00

Let go and let God do what? Let God worry about my worries!? Naw, I couldn't do that. Can I trust that He will worry about whatever my worry of the day is! Can He worry as much as I can, giving the worry the proper amount of anxiety and diarrhea? I know He has tons of other people that he has to worry about too, so I figure He can't possibly give my "worry" the amount of attention that it needs!

So, I continue to worry.

"let it go"??? NO!! THIS HEART ACHE IS MINE!!!

If it was something I SHOULD worry about, I have to worry about it, right?

I mean, I need to worry about my metric at work, will I meet it?? Am I going to get laid off when they out source??? Money ... life ... family ... my cat ... why??? No really, there are a lot of whys I won't get into, but I am constantly worrying the why about something or other.

Matthew 11:28 says
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

Heavy laden with worry ... I will give you rest ...

I could use some rest ... I need to trust my Father In Heaven knows what's best for me ... I need to trust that His love is real and I need to believe Him when He says, "I will give you rest" ...

I have witnessed miracles in the lives of people who trust in the Lord and allow Him the Freedom to move through their lives and work those miracles.

When I feel the burdens of life I know that trying to "go it alone" is pointless ... The only way to get through the crap is to give it to God ... I know giving God crap sounds terrible, but He asked if He could have it! I wrote a poem a while back, for my mom, when she was going through her cancer treatments. It seems very relevant for this post so I am posting it again.

Bring It To Him
written by: Janalea Jeppson 9/2009

He hears you,
He listens
He has only one request;
Bring it right to Him.
He speaks to you with whispers in the stillness...

Every time the anger roars in your heart,
bring it to Him.

Every time you feel like nobody hears you,
bring it to Him.

When you think life isn't fair,
bring it to Him.

When you hurt in your heart, in your soul
or in your physical self,

bring the pain to Him.

And when you can't think at all
because the “noise” of this day
was just too much,
bring it to His feet,

and He will make an altar from your suffering.
Have hope in Christ. Reach for Him.
He will dance in the puddles of life’s storms with you!
He is the Hope. He is the way.
He is the truth, He is the light.
He gives you life … He’ll bring you hope …
Trust In Him, trust Him with all your faith.
And ….
When the wind whistles, be still and listen,
For it is Him, your Savior, singing to your weary soul.

things that make me smile....

2010-08-01T20:29:00.000-07:00

Funny Things!

Knowing I am a daughter of God

Utah Mountains

music

A really good hug!

True talent and those that share their gift

(my nephew, Chris took this picture)

A beautiful day!

Family always makes me smile!
(this is part of my brother's family. For those

of my family not pictured here ...Sorry, I love you too!)

Really good friends!

(for those of my friends not pictured here, I love you too!)

Kitties make me smile ... especially mine!

Diet Coke ... YUM!

Ickle Me Pickle Me Tickle me too!

2010-07-27T20:53:00.000-07:00

I love Shel Silverstein poetry ... I always have! When ever I'm feeling bad, all I have to do is think of one of his silly or profound poems and I can't help but smile! Let me share a few of my favorites:

HUG O WAR

I will not play at tug o' war.
I'd rather play at hug o' war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs,
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses,
And everyone grins,
And everyone cuddles,
And everyone wins.

Warning

Inside everybody's nose
There lives a sharp-toothed snail.
So if you stick your finger in,
He may bite off your nail.
Stick it farther up inside,
And he may bite your ring off.
Stick it all the way, and he
May bite the whole darn thing off.

MY BEARD

"My beard grows down to my toes,
I never wears no clothes,
I wraps my hair
Around my bare,
And down the road I goes."

RAIN

I opened my eyes
And looked up at the rain,
And it dripped in my head
And flowed into my brain,
And all that I hear as I lie in my bed
Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.

I step very softly,
I walk very slow,
I can’t do a handstand—
I might overflow,
So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said—
I’m just not the same since there’s rain in my head.

Floaties In My Head

2010-07-03T18:09:00.000-07:00

Or Random thoughts:

I have a few problems with money:

First, a sticker fetish ...no, it's true! I will buy them, and buy them and buy them until I have a collection that would make a scrap booker on steroids look anemic!

Is there a 12 step program for stickers?

Second, coupons ...coupons are a good thing, aren't they? Except that I buy crap I don't need with money better spent elsewhere all because I got it for 50% off...or 40% off or whatever! Why can't I get a coupon for 50% off my heat bill! Now that would be something special!

Third, sales ... I usually get a serious buzz just by reading the word "clearance" ... seriously, I just need to see those bright red stickers at Walmart and I am a goner ....yesterday I bought a package of T pins for cryin' out loud! What in the name of creativity am I going to do with a package of T pins?
I also bought two journals only because they were 80% off! What is wrong with me people!!!!????

Oh well, this is my life ... the good stuff must be on back order ... until then I will man the sales!

More thoughts:

I was looking for something on the net the other day and ran across the site for a real town in Minnesota called Lost ... I would go there, but would I ever find my way back?
There's a place called Skunks Corner, NY ...I'd go there but I've heard it really stinks!
There really is a place called Sleepy Hollow, MS ... there is one in Georgia too! I may take a visit there one day, but legend says, I may lose my head!
There is a really explosive little town in Washington called Dynamite ...that may be a fun trip too, I just won't pack anything flamable!

Last , but not least there is a Looneyville town placed strategically in several states:
Looneyville, Minnesota
Looneyville, New York
Looneyville, Texas
Looneyville, West Virginia

I've heard the people are all crazy! (that's probably why there's more than one!)

Disclaimer: If you happen to live in one of these towns ... I was just joking .... remember, taking offence is a choice ...choose not to!

For My Family Because I Love You

2010-06-20T17:42:00.000-07:00

picture taken by Laralyn Tefteller
poem written by Jana Jeppson, June 2010

I love you to the moon and back.

No, I love more than that.

A love much bigger than the sky,

don't ever stop to question why.

Just know that you're a gift me

to treasure through eternity.

And when I feel alone and lost

and life is hard and seems to cost

much more than I can seem to pay

I know at the end of every day.

you're there for me,

my family ....

A precious gift of life and love.

A tender blessing from above.

I know God lives an sees me through.

I know because, He gave me you.

I love you to the moon and back ...

the truth,

I love you more than that!

An Award for Jana

2010-06-09T23:21:00.000-07:00

I recieved this lovely award from both my SIL, Mindi and my sister, Ruth! I seriously wish I was as awesome as they think I am!

I want to spread the joy and give my friend, Melissa this award! Reading about her and her family truely makes me smile!

I AM WAITING ....

2010-05-25T21:46:00.000-07:00

When I go anywhere and see a line I might have to wait in, I get a little sick! When the traffic is too congested, when things don't happen on "jana" time ... I get irritated. So it's no wonder when I went to Relief Society on Sunday and we had a lesson based on Elder Uctdorf's conference talk, "Continue In Patience" I had to hang my head in shame ...LOL!

"Patience—the ability to put our desires on hold for a time—is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter. Nevertheless, without patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace." Elder Uchtdorf

Then Elder Uchtdorf went on to say,
"Impatience, on the other hand, is a symptom of selfishness. It is a trait of the self-absorbed. It arises from the all-too-prevalent condition called “center of the universe” syndrome, which leads people to believe that the world revolves around them and that all others are just supporting cast in the grand theater of mortality in which only they have the starring role."

What???!!! I am not the center of the universe? hum ...who knew?? Huh ... no wonder I'm such a mess, I am simply too impatient! The scriptures tell many stories of those who waited ... the Jews wondering in the wilderness for 40 years, Jacob waiting for 7 years for Rachel (7 years ...??? Well Jacob I'll see those 7 years and raise you 10 more, dude I'm still waiting for my one and only).

I have really thought about things since Sunday ...

though I lack in patience in some things ... I endure quite well in others, so I am not a totally lost cause! Elder Uctdorf reminded me in this talk how important it is for me to learn how to chill! He reminded me of simple truths, for example, Patience is a godly attribute that can heal souls, unlock treasures of knowledge and understanding, and transform ordinary men and women into saints and angels. Patience is truly a fruit of the Spirit. That is totally awesome!

Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and facing it with courage, grace, and faith.

And so the next time I am forced to wait in a line ... or get interrupted or get stuck in traffic ... I will think of it as a potential faith promoting experience!
Will I really do that??? maybe not, but I will definitely think twice before saying something totally inappropriate!

Pooh, My Hero!

2010-05-16T21:42:00.000-07:00

Pooh's Perils of Wisdom:

•1. "Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there someday."
•2. "A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise."
•3. "If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you."
•4. "I don't see much sense in that," said Rabbit. "No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't. But there was going to be when I began it. It's just that something happened to it along the way."
•5. "If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you."
•6. "Some people care too much, I think it's called love."
•7. "You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes."
•8. "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "How about lunch?"
•9. "When late morning rolls around and you're feeling a bit out of sorts, don't worry; you're probably just a little eleven o'clockish."
•10. "Before beginning a hunt, it is wise to ask someone what you are looking for before you begin looking for it."
•11. "If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear."
•12. "When having a smackerel of something with a friend, don't eat so much that you get stuck in the doorway trying to get out."
Ever since A.A. Milne's stories & poems were first published in 1926 different generations children have fallen in love with Pooh and his friends.

ABUNDANTLY SPEAKING ...

2010-05-03T19:39:00.000-07:00

"... I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." - John 10:10
I love knowing that my Father in Heaven wants me to have abundance! What abounds in our heart will determine what we experience in life. What abounds in your heart?

"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he..." - Proverbs 23:7

I believe this is because it is the thoughts that are dearer to your heart that you give the most energy and thus attract to your experience. I have a tendacy to think that somehow I am not worthy of abundance ... but that is a frame of mind I need to change and welcome myself to a spiritual journey that will lead me to realize that the Lord is aware of me and He has miracles in store for my life. The Lord can take what we already have and make it more. We just need to focus on making the most of every day, and encourage one another to seek the gift that only He can bring — the promise of enough, with the miracle of some to spare.

I can think of four principles that will shower abundance into all of our lives;

1. Appreciation - gratitude is the beginning of everything ... It means to give thanks to God for all the little blessings in your life. Wake up in the morning and greet the day with love, giving thanks to God for a fresh opportunity. Look upon a loved one and thank God that you are able to see. Speak the words "I love you" and thank God that you are able to speak. Listen to your favorite music, the sound of the wind or children's laughter, and thank God that you are able to hear. Thank God that you are able to draw a breath, for as long as you are breathing there is always hope, no matter how dismal a situation may appear. Delight yourself in the beauties of nature, and give thanks. There are so many things for which we should be grateful, and once we start counting blessings, we never run out of them!

Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
- Psalms 37: 4

2. The next principle is to Ask. We have not because we ask not.

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: - - Matthew 7:7
Asking is an important step because when we ask we are recognizing the possibility of receiving. But we also have to remember how to ask.

And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive. - Matthew 21:22

If we don't have any faith in our request, or if we feel undeserving of it , it is not very likely that we will receive. We must ask believing that God is our provider. Ask believing that God wants us to have our good. Ask believing that It is the Father's good pleasure to give us the kingdom.

3. The third principle to apply is Action.Give and it shall be given unto you.

'If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear so that I return safely to my father's house, then the LORD will be my God and this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God's house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth.' " - Genesis 28: 20-22 tithing ...it is such an important principle to learn and to live ... tithing is
~It is a recognition of God as our Source of supply.
~It helps to perpetuate the Spiritual work and builds the Kingdom.
~It sustains the spiritual workers.
~It keeps us (the giver) intuned with the flow of abundance by circulating the blessings

4. And last but far from least, we must accept our good, so that we will have more to pass along. Let us consider now the blessings that come when we follow these principles:

So in order to experience God's rich abundance we must

Appreciate the blessings that are already a part of our experience.
Ask for an increase of our good.
Act by sharing and circulating our blessings.
Accept with gratitude the increased flow of abundance.
Now let us put in our sickles and gather our harvest!

More than Gratitude...

2010-04-28T23:31:00.000-07:00

I haven't written consistantly...I apologize for that. As much as I want to say it's because I can't think of anything to say, the truth is I have always intended for this blog to be uplifting and inspirational and the truth is I have been fighting the "funk" for quite some time. I'm OK ...sometimes the trials you face are just about working through them while holding the had of your Father In Heaven... yes, I believe He holds my hand ...Psalm 63:8 "My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me." If He wasn't there to hold me up ... to lift me and to carry me, where would I be? I shudder at the thought.

I think we have all been counciled or desired to count our many blessings... Keep a gratitude journal...list your gratefuls ...and this is all good but, I was just reading a talk from November 2007 confrence by President Eyring. He mentions that every night, we might pray and ponder, asking the questions:

Did God send a message that was just for me?

Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of someone in my family?

I will do that, I will ponder thoes very questions daily, And then I will find a way to preserve that memory for the day that I, and those that I love, will need to remember how much God loves us and how much we need Him.

It's more than just counting your blessings ...it's about recognizing who blessed us with such abundance and recognizing His hand in our lives every minute of every day. It is imparative that we find ways to recognize and remember God’s kindness. It will build our testimonies. You may not keep a journal. You may not share whatever record you keep with those you love and serve. But you and they will be blessed as you remember what the Lord has done. The line from the hymn “Count your many blessings; name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord has done."

I am incredibly grateful for His love for me...and His patience with my ever quirky nature.

Today I am grateful for my job ...
and my family ...
and good clean comedians that make me laugh from my heart (there is this Christian comedian on tv that brings the giggles right from my toes!)

Today God touched my life with music ...I found peace in the lyrics of a song and was blessed by it.
And today I recognized how blessed my cousin Ranae has been. Her little girl was so critically ill and is getting better...no more feeding tube! yea for Talon! And thanks to God for allowing her to stay with us, AND GIVING HER PARENTS THE STRENGTH THEY NEEDED TO GET THROUGH THIS WILD RIDE :o)

2010-04-18T19:45:00.000-07:00

Mr. And Mrs. Thomas Woodland

My beautiful niece was married on Thursday! It was absolutely beautiful! As I sat there in the the temple watching as she was sealed to her chosen eternal companion so many emotions were running through my heart and mind!

What troubled me was in the midst of all the wonder there were questions dancing around in my mind like moth's in the light at night!

1. How did this precious little girl grow up so fast?
2. When did I get old?
3. And lastly, how in the name of all that is holy did my own niece beat me to the alter? (just askin)

Mr. And Mrs. Zac Soqui

Also ...Saturday my cousin's daughter got married ... another beautiful bride making eternal promises with a chosen eternal companion ...

and I sat looking at this beautiful bride in her lovely form fitting wedding dress not unlike my nieces ... well, see ..:

my niece and her mom

anyway ... imagine me in a wedding gown such as this ... I would look like a marshmellow in satin casing! I would not look like a bride ... more like dessert!

so, it's just as well that I never needed a funky "skinny girl" dress ...

and all is well in Zion

He walks with me

2010-04-07T19:02:00.000-07:00

I found this poem ...no, I did not write it ... but I loved it so I wanted to share it!

A Walk With Jesus

If you could take a walk with Jesus
If He could spend some time with you,
Would you walk through fields of flowers,
Sprinkled with the morning dew?

If you could take a walk with Jesus,
Would you walk beside the sea?
Or would you walk out in the forest,
So you could rest beneath the trees?

If you could take a walk with Jesus,
What would you say to him?
Would you spend the time complaining,
About your family and your friends?

If you could take a walk with Jesus,
Would you grumble about your job?
Would you choose your words with caution,
As you walked with the Son of God?

Now before you give your answer,
Give careful thought to what you'll say.
Though you may not have noticed,
Jesus walked with you today.

Copyright © 2002 Ron Lantz

Happiness ... hmmmmm ...

2010-03-21T20:58:00.000-07:00

Every day brings a new set of struggles ... I've never really had a problem dealing with the doses of daily crap that we all get ...until lately, and I find my self running to stay ahead of the crap monster!

Well, my daily life can be happier. It is a matter of choice, right? first of all, attitude that makes us feel happy or unhappy ... so, there must needs be a change of attitude ...mine ... If we let other events and/or people influence our moods, we become their slaves. We lose our freedom. We let our happiness be determined by someone or something else.

so I choose to ignore those things and/or the people that bring me down and move forward ... and if they get in my way again ... well, let's just say, it's not gonna be pretty!

Some of those grungemites include:

worry
fear
people whose opinions should not matter!
obsessive thoughts about my imperfections!

So, here are my solutions for bringing more happiness into my daily life ...

1) I will always look at the bright side, and not let my mind drag me into thinking about negativity and difficulties. There is a good and positive side to every situation ... I will do my best to find it.

2) I will think of solutions, not problems.

3) I will laugh more! Even if I have to just think funny thoughts!

4) I will find joy in every day!

5) Each day,I will devote some time to find inspiration!

6) I will watch my thoughts, and whenever I catch myself thinking negative thoughts, I will start thinking of pleasant things.

7) I will always look at what I have done and not at what I haven't.

8) Each day do something good for myself.

9) Each day I will do at least one act to make others happy.

10)I will always expect happiness.

11) I will associate with happy people, and try to learn from them to be happy. Remember, happiness is contagious.

12) I will do best to remain calm and in control when all that is about me is erupting into chaos!

15.) I will learn that it is not within my power to heal the ills of the world!

14.) I will count my gratefulls every day and all my cares will fly away!

15.) I will not be so hard on myself!

16.) And if all else fails I will allow myself to hide in a small, dark place eating donuts and drinking diet coke until I am in a sugar/caffeine stupor!

I'm still learning ...

2010-02-28T23:14:00.000-08:00

1. Usually when you think you've got it all together ...think again!

2. I've learned that if the grass looks greener on the other side ... someone spilled some paint!(this is not a new lesson I've learned ...just one that rears it's ugly head when I think I know my grass from my paint and I really don't!)

3. I have learned that men are like parking spaces ... the good ones are taken and the rest are usually not worth the extra walk!(this is not a new lesson either ...just a mental note as I sit here lonely in my house with my cat!)

4. I have learned that God gives flowers to everyone ...not just the girlfriends or the brides .. (I did steal that line from Cherie Call)He also gave me a bright sunny day!

5. I have learned that you can love an animal even if they scratch and bite ...

6. I have learned that if you feel guilty just because you feel "less than" for a minute, the only one who's having a party is the adversary!

7. I have learned that it doesn't matter what other people think as long as you know you've chosen the right.

8. Embarrassment does not last forever and is rarely remembered by anyone but you!

9. The answer to all things lie somewhere in the scriptures.

10. That if you drink a big gulp before going to the temple ... you are only asking for trouble!

11. I have learned that nothing is as bad as it seems ...

12. I have learned that faith is the glue that keeps it all together ... and hope makes all things possible!

13. I have learned that there is humor in everything ...My mantra "there's a giggle in every minute if you find the joy within it!"!

14. I have learned that when the chips are down ... grab the salsa and have a party!

15. I have learned that there is nothing as wonderful as having a family on your side!

16. I have learned that liking what you do is far more important than how much money that you make. That lesson was retaught to me when I left a job I really loved to go elsewhere and elsewhere ended up being the thing that made me want to seek therapy and overdose on antidepressants!

17. I have learned that the greatest place to spend some time is the temple!

18. I have learned that where ever you go, there you are ... you can't run away from yourself!

19. I have learned that whatever you think will manifest itself into truth!

20. I have learned that you teach people how to treat you.

21. I have learned that if I fully rely on God ... I will never be disappointed!

22. I have learned that if I take a few extra moments in the morning to make my lunch ....I can save myself 5.00 bucks!

23. I have learned that some weeds are beautiful ... sunflowers come to mind.

24. I have learned that I love diet Coke more than I wanted to admit!

25. I have learned that amazing things can happen if you believe!

26. I have learned that if you're gonna dream ... DREAM BIG!

27. I have learned that music can bring hope and fill my heart with joy ... and Miley Cyrus got it right when she sang "Party In The USA". I just need some great tunes and if life really bites I just need to find some tunes!
"So I put my hands up
They're playing my song,
And the butterflies fly away
Nodding' my head like yeah
Moving my hips like yeah,
And I got my hands up,
They're playing my song
I know I'm gonna be OK
Yeah, It's a party in the USA
Yeah, It's a party in the USA"

28. A testimony of the gospel can give you power that I could never describe or explain!

29. And keeping Christ your focus will keep your life centered!

30. I have learned that it is not required that I know all things ... I must just have faith in all things

31.I have learned that gratitude is everything! If I focus on my gratefuls, I find joy in how much I am truly blessed.

32. I have learned that the most beautiful sound in the world is the sound of the words "I Love you" ... It's great to hear, it's great to say ... I'll say it more often!

33. I have learned that donuts don't make it all better, but they sure make a great emotional bandaide!

34. I have learned that true friends are a rare and precious thing ...embrace the ones you have!

35. I have learned that if you are standing all alone in the dark, it's because you chose to be there ... if you don't want to be there...MOVE!!

36. I have learned that even if you know an emergency tech that looks like George Clooney, He isn't worth the 150.00 copay!

37. I have learned that if you stay up passed midnight on Facebook playing breaking bricks ...you're going to be tired in the morning!

38. And I have learned that everyday gives me a new opportunity to learn something new .. so I know I will never stop learning ...

Strength Beyond My Own

2010-02-21T18:20:00.000-08:00

I was studying in the scriptures and pondered Matthew 9 ... these specific scriptures really spoke to me ...

Matthew chapter 9
20 And, behold, a woman, which was diseased with an issue of blood twelve years, came behind him, and touched the hem of his garment:
21 For she said within herself, If I may but touch his garment, I shall be whole.
22 But Jesus turned him about, and when he saw her, he said, Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole. And the woman was made whole from that hour.
23 And when Jesus came into the ruler’s house, and saw the minstrels and the people making a noise,
24 He said unto them, Give place: for the maid is not dead, but sleepeth. And they laughed him to scorn.
25 But when the people were put forth, he went in, and took her by the hand, and the maid arose.
Two things:
A woman plagued with a disease for life, had the faith it took to just touch the robes of the Savior and know that she would be healed. and Jairus knowing that Christ could and would raise his daughter from the dead. Both having faith in strength beyond their own ... I am reminded of James 1:6:
"... ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
I seek Christ when I need strength beyond my own. I know that He is there always. I know He hears my every prayer and I know He loves me. I know of His infinite power and I can call upon His priesthood power through His servants and He will be there to comfort, heal and love me even in the most difficult times of my life. I know with every fiber in my soul that the power of this priesthood moves mountains! I find strength beyond my own through Him. The voices of the world can be so loud ... the demands in our lives so noisy that it is imperative for us to continually find time to "Be Still" so the voice of the spirit can be heard. Abraham Lincoln said something that I find incredibly profound; "I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed insufficient for the day"

And so I too am driven to my knees ... I can only find the strength to endure the trials of life when I seek Him . In finding Him I must place my faith and trust in Him, only then will I feel His power.

What Will My Legacy Be? ...

2010-02-09T21:26:00.000-08:00

(this picture was taken by my nephew, Chris Jeppson)

I went to an RS activity tonight. A friend and ward member gave a wonderful presentation on developing our legacy. It made me think ... what kind of mark will I leave on the world? We all leave our footprints where ever we go in life ... Where are my foot prints? What am I leaving the world? What am I leaving those that I love. What am I doing now to make sure the legacy I leave is one that I want to leave? What is my story?... Leaving a legacy is something everyone of us does. Each of us is a living presence. What we do with our lives right now has profound influence on everything and on everyone around us- especially those we are close to. Each of our stories will be different - but special and unique. Listen to that voice, that calling within you.. and leave your living presence, even after you are gone. That is a legacy that will last beyond wealth, fame, or perceived success…
When I look back on my back on my life, I find that the moments of supremest happiness were those in which I uttered some word, or performed some act, of compassion or self-denying love. When I shared my spirituality, through example and testimony. When I was a positive force in another life ... when I shared the joy in my heart. When I am remembered, I want the words that are uttered to be ... She was funny, she was so nice ... I was inspired by the things she did or the things she wrote. It makes me think ... am I living my life today in a positive way that I can leave a positive impression on the ones I leave behind?
One of the things that was talked about is the one word that would describe our legacy. I was thinking, what would that word be ... positive, role model, inspirational, spiritual, faithful, joyful??? I think I would want that word to be inspirational, or inspired. That word encompasses being faithful, spiritual and all other things that I hope to be. I not only want to live inspired ... I want to be the inspiration or light in another life.
Anyway, I left church tonight spiritually uplifted. Thanks, Tammy for your talent.

Sunday

2010-02-07T20:25:00.000-08:00

I was so touched by the spirit today, I spent the entire fast and testimony meeting blubbering like an idiot!

I heard something today that really stuck with me ... let me share ...

"We don’t need to reach a certain level of worthiness to receive help from our Savior. That’s why He’s the Savior – because He can save us – anytime, anywhere, and in any pitiful condition we are in – if we are willing to be helped. If you stop and think about what we want to be and where we want to be, and what we are now at the present time, none of us are [is] worthy, none of us, and never will be without Him – but He still loves us.

One last thing: If your efforts to live your religion take all the joy and fun out of life, you’re not doing it right"

What a wonderful testiment ... that our Savior is always there and that living your religion should bring you true joy! I know it brings me a great deal of joy and peace. When nothing makes sense ... I turn to the Savior and he makes sense out of it! What a joy that is to me!

Never Alone

2010-01-31T12:14:00.000-08:00

My mind has been in a whirl lately. I have been sick and just as I was getting better I fell and messed up my leg pretty bad and it's still a mess! Certainly plenty of crud to complain about ....but then I remembered my promise to not complain for 30 days ... seriously ... don't ask for the strength to do something like that because suddenly you are plagued with poor me trials !!
Anyway ... paying attention to all we human beings whine about the last couple of weeks I have felt a profound sense of gratitude that I know where to find the light. There is so much darkness around us in the world today. I truly believe that if we choose to focus on that darkness, that is all that we will ever see. And then, if we choose to stay in that darkness that is all that there is. I listened to a song on YOUTUBE ... it was called "I walk alone" It was so depressing! I know of a certainty that if you feel like you are walking alone it's because you chose to be there! I do agree that sometimes life can really bite! But there is always hope ... there is always hope! I know what it feels like to feel alone ... good gravy, I'm 46 and I live alone with a cat! I know what it feels like for friends (or people you thought were your friends) to let you down and even abandon you! I know what it is to get angry with God because I made the right choices ... I did what He asked and I was still alone ... I know what it feels like to think how did I deserve this ... what did I do wrong that made me end up here .... THIS IS NOT WHAT I PLANNED!!! There was a time when that darkness engulfed me and all I could feel was the darkness and I was truly on the brink of spontaneous combustion! I was angry! Angry that my sister found a good guy and got married and had kids ... I wanted those things! I was angry that a friend I made while being a nanny suddenly decided she did not want or need my friendship and left me alone and wondering why and what did I do wrong! Then I had a boyfriend who decided he was gay and another who dumped me for something he thought was better!! Well, Very gratefully, I was given a very profound spiritual experience! A gift so precious that allowed me to see that my only comfort for life's woes is in the light of my Savior's love ... There are times now that I wish I could go back and have a conversation with the girl I was in my late twenties and early thirties and tell her that if her life may turn out different if she would lose the attitude and the fear. It was then that I discovered the quote:

" I'm wounded," said Sir Launfall, "wounded but not slain! So, I'll just lie and bleed a while, then rise and fight again!

I have learned throughout my life that it is OK to get mad ... to be sad ... to feel frustrated and alone ... in other words, it's OK to bleed ... but we all need to rise and fight again!

For anyone who has felt lost and alone, I wish they could hear my plea to shake it loose and live!!! STOP DWELLING IN THE DARKNESS!!! IF YOU STAY THERE, YOU MAY FORGET WHERE TO FIND THE LIGHT!!!!!

And so I am here .... I'M FOCUSING ON MY GRATEFULS! AND ON HIS LIGHT! and when I have a bad day I find hope in knowing that I am not alone! I am never alone!

HERE’S A LITTLE SONG TO HELP YOU GET ALONG

IT WILL SEE YOU THROUGH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING BLUE

AND THOUGH IT’S NOT PROFOUND WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN

SO DOWN

SING THIS LITTLE TUNE AND YOU’LL FEEL BETTER SOON

YOU’RE NOT ALONE, EVEN THOUGH RIGHT NOW YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN

YOU ARE LOVED IN WAYS THAT CAN’T BE SHOWN, YOUR NEEDS ARE KNOWN

YOU’RE NOT ALONE

AND WHEN YOU CRY YOU’RE JUST LETTING GO A HEARTACHE DEEP INSIDE

SO TOMORROW THERE’LL BE SUNSHINE AND SKY AND LOVE CLOSE BY

YOU’RE NOT ALONE

WELL I KNOW THAT IT’S NOT EASY, BUT I KNOW THAT IT WON’T LAST

CAUSE ONE WHO LOVES YOU MORE THAN ME

IS SENDING BLESSINGS FAST

YOU’RE NOT ALONE…SAY IT ONE MORE TIME, “I’M NOT ALONE”

AND EVEN WHEN IT’S HARD TO FIND THE WORDS

YOUR PRAYERS ARE ALWAYS HEARD

YOU’RE NOT ALONE

I confess ...

2010-01-23T11:35:00.000-08:00

OK, it's not the Friday confessional that my SIL discussed on her blog ... but, Saturday will have to do!

*I am still in my nigtshirt and underwear and it's practically 1:00 in the afternoon.

*I waisted 2 hours playing Bricks Breaking on FaceBook

*I wish I had a maid.

*The check engine light went on in my car again ... people are going to start thinking I am having a fling with the service center manager at the dealer!

* I asked Him to fix it, nicely ...

*What I meant to say is .... "Make it stay off!! I am annoyed by this! Think ouside the box and figure out what is wrong with it ya crazed doofus!"

* I dropped a meatball on the floor in my dirty kitchen and ate it anyway!

*How pathetic is that??

*I have shingles!

*They are painfull little buggers!

*Sometimes Oprah Annoys me ... does that make me unAmerican??

*I have to pee ...was that TMI???

*DEAL with it!

Discovery...my word of the year!

2010-01-20T22:17:00.000-08:00

Discovery

"The path of discovery is not found in new destinations but in viewing the familiar through fresh eyes"

"Sometimes great knowledge lies in the discovery of something we did not anticipate, something that enlightens us to a new perspective. Then we are changed and enriched. Real discovery is a stairway that requires our participation, and begs us to climb, and climb some more."

Can I have some cheese with that?

2010-01-13T22:40:00.000-08:00

I was listening to two ladies talking as I was walking through a craft store today. They were both whining about life. And though I have done more than my share of whining I started thinking ... could I go for a month without complaining ... about anything??? I read a blog recently by a woman name Christine Kane and she asked herself the same question ... Here are 10 Irresistible Reasons to Go Complaint-Free Starting Today:

1 – When you’re complaint-free, you learn to find solutions rather than staying mucked in the problem.
If you don’t offer yourself the option of complaining, then you might start training your brain to actually find solutions and get ideas. As Maya Angelou says, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.”
2 – When you’re complaint-free, you shrink your ego.
Complaining builds your ego. It makes your ego stronger because it makes someone or something else wrong. And it makes you right. You become inflated and puffed up. Well, actually you don’t, but your ego does. Ceasing the complaining/criticizing/gossiping habit tells your ego that you are in charge, and that you want to create new habits.
3 – When you’re complaint free for 21-Days, you’ve started a new habit and created a new you.
4 – When you’re complaint-free, it’s a conversation starter.
Imaginary scenario: Someone rushes into your office to gossip or whine. You get to simply smile and say, “Gosh, you know, I’d love to join in, but I’m in the middle of a Complaint-free Contract. Would you like to look at it?” And the person says, “Huh? What’s that?” Then you get to propel the conversation in a different direction.
5 – When you’re complaint-free, it’s a conversation deepener.
That same person who rushes into your office will listen for a while and then say, “Wow, that’s a really great idea. I always notice how easy it is to complain, and I want to be more self-responsible…” You’ll then share a deeper connection when you each admit that you want to live more happy and focused lives.
6 – When you’re complaint-free, it becomes viral.
You start attracting more positive people to you. The negative people will walk away and just think you’re a complete moron. But then, you’ll start noticing positive curious people coming into your life because you are so much fun to be around.
7 – When you’re complaint-free, you banish lazy thinking.
Think about it – you can’t get much lazier than complaining and gossiping. It’s the same well-worn neural pathway you’ve trudged down day after day, along with 85% of the population. When you’re complaint-free, you find other things on which to focus. With alertness and alacrity, you find new ways of seeing things. (And you get to use words like “alacrity.”)
8 – When you’re complaint-free, you create happiness.
9 – When you’re complaint free with a group, you get to soar on the updraft of the great group energy.
When groups work together – even only on the level of intention – magic happens. It’s why I invite people to join me in my complaint free quest. You allow effortlessness when you link up with a group of like-minded people. Join me today and create a cool updraft and all kinds of good things happen.

Who’s in?

I am going to live complaint free for a month ... wanna come!?? It's going to be a crazy ride!

Faith Points to The Future ...

2010-01-11T09:26:00.000-08:00

Elder Holland had a great article in the January Ensign! Filled with a message that I really needed to hear.

Sometimes I think we get so hung up in the past that we distort what is important right here, right now. Don't live in regret! Move forward and don't waste your time with what if's and, although it's nice to "remember when" occasionally, Sometimes the memories we live over and over again are of frustration... pain and regret. Don't live in those memories. That time is gone.

Some of the best lessons life has taught me is that:

1) Faith points to the future.

2) Forgive and forget ... forgive yourself as well as others. An unforgiving heart will surely stunt your growth because it leaves you stagnet in life.

3) The best is yet to be ... with that mindset alone, you will be destine to continue moving forward!

Elder Holland said:

"Sometimes I wonder: Is there any future for me? What does my new/old job hold for me? Will I be safe? Will life be sound? Can I trust in the Lord and in the future? Or would it be better to look back, to go back, to stay in the past?
To all such of every generation, I call out, “Remember Lot’s wife.” Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ truly is the “high priest of good things to come” (Hebrews 9:11).
Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant and far away. Live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, of trust and divine love that will transform your life today, tomorrow, and forever."

wise words ... They have certainly been words that I needed to hear to start the new year! I hope they help you too!

Philippians 3:13

"... but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before..."

What Matters Most ...

2010-01-03T18:42:00.001-08:00

January 3, 2010 ... do we say two thousand ten or twenty ten??? does it matter???
Well anyway, Happy New Year!

I was driving to my sister's house on Christmas eve and feeling so sad ... I was missing my family ... the ones that live beyond the veil and my heart was aching for a time when innocence and Santa Claus were my only cares on Christmas Eve. When my brothers were there ... irritating me beyond words!! Because they did ...
I wished that I could turn back the clock just this once and wake up for Christmas morning in my grandparents house and race down the stairs of her house to open presents and bask in the joy of the day. And let my brother's irritate me one more time ...

But the reality of the moment was apparent as I putted down the Bangerter ... when I was that young ... the Bangerter was just miles and miles of empty fields!

I thought about 2009 and I started counting everything that went wrong in the year and very soon I was enveloped with a deep sadness ... I asked out loud ... " Heavenly Father, will the ache in my heart ever heal?"
Just as I said this, I was approaching 114th south and just above me was the Oquirrh Mountain Temple! I turned at the light and went and sat in front of the temple for just a moment. I was overcome with the warmth of the spirit. Almost like a hug ... I felt the spirit whisper, ..." give Me the ache ... just give it to Me and I will bare your burden. This is it ... right here before you ... this is what makes it matter" and I looked toward the temple and felt like I could almost reach out and touch eternity! My family is forever! and I knew in my heart that I would be OK! ...

Life happens and in that life ... crap happens! That's just the plain truth of it ... but we have a Savior who came to assure that I could have everything!His perfect love and a forever family! I am so grateful ... and I thought of the words to a poem that I wrote last year (Is it vain to quote your own words?) ...

"I’m heavy with sadness
That I can’t control
The heart ache and pain
That burdens my soul."

And I thought of His answer to my prayer back then,

Somehow in the stillness
His whisper does say ,
“My daughter, I’m here
And I hear as you pray,”

“I know you can’t see me
But, I hold you so tight
In the arms of My love
Just seek ye my light.”

And I felt Him. I felt His love as it circled round about me and I was comforted. I know that whatever happens in life. Whatever we must endure ... whatever comes our way, our Savior is there to comfort and guide and hold us. He knows us personally and he cares and 2009 was filled with wonderful things. More wonderful things than those that brought sadness. I am blessed with abundance! I have the gospel ... I have family .... I have friends ... I have indoor plumbing....diet coke and donuts! what more could I want ... the promise of eternity, and a family that is forever ... the sweetest gift I have ever been given.

Happy New Year!

2009-12-28T19:16:00.000-08:00

I need to blog more! I enjoy blogging yet allow days and days to pass before I create another post!
As I have contemplated the past year and all the goo that we waded through my mind rested on the blessings I have received; My awesome family! My dear friends! The gospel! I am grateful that my mother is doing well and her cancer is gone! I am blessed to have a job that I enjoy going to every day! I am excited for new possibilities! I am happy to be here and know that the Lord is at my side and walks beside me always! I am excited to welcome a new year and I pray for joy within it! I am leaving a list of 10 thoughts to begin the new year:

1. Well-behaved women rarely make history. So, don't feel the need to behave yourself!

2. Life is not one big to-do list. (amen!)

3. You do not have to clean like your mother. (so, don't try)

4. Even a small pebble makes ripples.

5. Keep your promises to yourself and others.

6. Always put people before things.

7. Answer the phone everyday like it's your birthday.

8. Never let negative people bring you down.

9. Attitude can make all the difference in the world.

10. There's a giggle in every minute, if you find the joy within it!

Just 4 days away!

2009-12-21T19:54:00.000-08:00

This Christmas has been weird ... the loss of my brother has made a profound impact on me this year. I miss him ... I miss his love for the holidays! I miss the way he flirted with every child he met and I miss the sheer joy he found in giving. I miss that he can't physically be here to share the festivities with us ...(I do believe he is near us in spirit).

I wish he could be here to laugh with us ... to hug and hold his grand babies! I miss the way we would change the lyrics to any given Christmas Carol just for the sheer thrill of the laugh!

I don't want it to be misunderstood that I haven't felt the Christmas spirit ... I have, in a profound spiritual way. The Savior has stood beside me and I know He will continue to do so. Though twinkling lights and Santa Claus are wonderful magic things, it's time spent with family and friends where I truly find the joy of the holiday!
I have reached into the dusty corners of my mind and looked at the memory pictures stored in my head. I have been truly blessed in my life.

President Thomas S Monson in the 1987 Ensign wrote:

The true Christmas spirit is never found in a surfeit of things. It is less obvious in arrival and more lasting in impact.

An unknown author wrote:

I am the Christmas Spirit.
I enter the home of poverty, causing pale-faced children to open their eyes wide in pleased wonder.
I cause the miser’s clutched hand to relax and thus paint a bright spot on his soul.
I cause the aged to renew their youth and to laugh in the glad old way.
I keep romance alive in the heart of childhood and brighten sleep with dreams woven of magic.
I cause eager feet to climb dark stairways with filled baskets, leaving behind them hearts amazed at the goodness of the world.
I cause the prodigal to pause a moment on his wild, wasteful way, and send to anxious love some little token that releases glad tears—tears which wash away the hard lines of sorrow.
I enter dark prison cells, reminding scarred manhood of what might have been, and pointing forward to good days yet to come.
I come softly into the still, white home of pain; and lips that are too weak to speak just tremble in silent, eloquent gratitude.
In a thousand ways I cause the weary world to look up into the face of God, and for a little moment forget the things that are small and wretched.
I am the Christmas Spirit.
This is the spirit each true Christian seeks. This is the spirit I pray each may find. This is the Christ spirit. No quest is so universal, no undertaking so richly rewarding, no effort so ennobling, no purpose so divine. The Christmas season seems to prompt anew that yearning, that seeking to emulate the Savior of the world.

May the light of Christ warm your soul not just at Christmas time, but always!

Christmas poem 2009

2009-12-13T21:49:00.000-08:00

I write a poem every year for Christmas. My wish for all of you this season is to feel the light of the Savior in your heart always!

My Savior

by Janalea J Jeppson /2009

In a lonely manger faraway,

a tiny babe was born

And with the gifts He brought with Him,

Came a love never known.

How I wish I could’ve been there

To hold his tiny hand,

So I could feel the love He brought

… and maybe understand.

In a land across the sea the babe grew to a man.

He taught the truth to everyone

So they might understand

How I wish I could have been there

To walk and learn with Him

So I could feel His purest love,

And really understand.

Then in the place, Gethsemane,

He suffered every pain for me.

Because of love was crucified,

He suffered great, and then He died.

My testimony feels my soul

of His great Love for me.

His greatest gift for everyone

is to live eternally.

I didn’t need to be there,

It’s He who is with me.

With faith and love,

I know through Him

I’ll finally understand.

Some People ... Rock!

2009-12-02T19:24:00.000-08:00

Some People Come Into Our Lives And Quickly Go...
Some People Move Our Souls To Dance....
They awaken us to new understanding
with the passing whisper of their wisdom
Some people make the sky more beautiful
to gaze upon....
They stay in our lives for awhile,
leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never the same!!
--FLAVIA

I love this poem ... it makes me think of all the wonderful people in my life! I have great friends and a wonderful family and I am so blessed. I would name names if I wasn't afraid of accidentally missing someone and hurting their feelings! Just know ... if you're reading this, chances are, you are the footprints on my heart and I Love you! Thanks for picking up the peices when my heart is broken ... laughing at my stupid jokes and making me feel like I am actually funny! Thank you for letting me talk too much, laugh too loud and cry on your shoulders! Thanks for listening when I need listening to ... and thanks for laughing with me and not at me :o)

Comfort

2009-11-24T21:58:00.000-08:00

I was pondering my scripture study. I always find great strength in my own life's trials after reading the story of Nephi shortly after his father passes away. I wrote this poem a while back and thought I would share it.

Comforted
written by
Janalea Jeppson 10/2003

Nephi,
I understand…
Your anguish taught me something
In Nephi, chapter four:

I know our Father loves me,
He is with me,
And He comforts me.
Just like He loved and
comforted you, when your
heart was heavy and
burdened with pain.

I felt your testimony as
I read your words
upon the pages …

golden threads of declaration
weave a tapestry of truth
within my heart.
That ignites my testimony
and warms my soul!

Our Father loves you,
And He loves me…
We trust Him …
Though our trials are very different
The core of all is trust.
The kind of trust that lifts your soul
Above the doubt…
And all the questions of “Why?”

I am sure you never thought
That I would gain so much
From what you wrote,
“O wretched man that I am!”*

How could you know
That I would feel your sorrow
Through mine?
How could you fully comprehend?
That two thousand years and more would pass
And I would sit alone with heavy heart
Finding strength to carry on
Through your words….
And together you and I declare;

“O Lord,
I have trusted thee
and I will trust in thee forever!”*

Dear Nephi,
I understand.
And today you become
More than words upon a page.

Today you are my brother in my heart
And in my soul
As our spirits cross
The barriers of time.

Today I felt your pain,
I mourned your loss,
by your side.

And I felt the Lord
“Encircle me around the robe
of righteousness.”*
As He did for you
So long ago,
Which eased the pain
In my own heart.

1* Taken from 2 Nephi 4:17
2* Taken from 2 Nephi 4: 34
3* Taken from 2 Nephi 4: 33

written by Janalea Jeppson
10/2003

Oh Please ... Not again!

2009-11-19T07:32:00.000-08:00

So I am getting ready for work this morning! You know, the usual, shower ... dress ... then leave. All was going well and I was at the door of my house and I looked down and well... my dress is on inside out!!!
People! Who's turn was it to monitor me so I could be acceptable for public contact? Why can't I seem to get it right!? It should be simple ... really! I am a reasonably intelligent woman! I function well in society! I just don't get it. Perhaps I should share a song I have written for the times when I find myself inside out, upside down or sideways in florescent colored anklets and oddly matched clothes.

The Song: (Sung to the tune of "Strangers In The Night")

Dressing in the dark ...
I'll take my chances,
dressing in the dark.
In dress or pants
I know it can be done!
'cause it's been done before!

Something in your eyes
tells me I screwed up!
Something in your smile
tells me I don't match!
Something in my heart,
tells me I'm inside out!

Strangely as it seems!
I once could do this!
Since I was 2 or 3
I made it through this!
years have passed since then
I thought I had it down!

But now it's like
I just don't get it ...
I know I should relax
and just not fret it!
But here I am again ...
inside out like once before!

What do I expect when I am
dressing in the dark?

If anyone would like to donate therapy ... I could use some! However, today I will consider myself truly blessed as I discovered my creative wardrobe draping techniques before I introduced myself to the general population!

Pay It Forward ...

2009-11-16T14:55:00.000-08:00

I just read the book, "Pay It Forward" by Catherine Ryan Hyde.

I was inspired! I saw the movie back when it was new but felt compelled to read the book. I don't think we ever realize the impact we can have on another's life if we just put forth the tiniest bit of effort. Here is an excerpt from the book that not only made me think ... it inspired me to be a better me!:

"He said if you were going to work for somebody for thirty days, and you had a choice: you could take a hundred dollars a day, or you could take a dollar the first day, and then it would be doubled every day. I said I'd take a hundred dollars a day. But he said I'd lose out. So I worked it out on my calculator. A hundred dollars a day for thirty days is three thousand dollars. But if you double that dollar every day, you'd make over five hundred million on your last day. Not to mention everything between. That's how I thought of my idea for Mr. St. Clair's class. You see, I do something real good for three people. And then when they ask how they can pay it back, I say they have to Pay It Forward. To three more people. Each. So nine people get helped. Then those people have to do twenty-seven." He turned on the calculator, punched in a few numbers. "Then it sort of spreads out, see. To eighty-one. Then two hundred forty-three. Then seven hundred twenty-nine. Then two thousand, one hundred eighty-seven. See how big it gets?"

I don't have much to give... but certainly enough to make a difference! What about you? give it some thought. even the smallest act can make the biggest difference.

BE GRATEFUL NOW!

2009-11-05T14:06:00.000-08:00

I Love this time of year! I love the crispness in the air! I love the holidays! I just love it!
It's been a rough year! But I recognize God's hand in all things and among the trials and heart aches there has been much joy! I choose to celebrate the joy and I choose to find that joy in gratitude for every blessing I have been given!
And I challenge those who read this to take one minute right now to bring to mind at least one thing you are grateful for. It may be as simple as the breath you take, the sunshine through a window or the music you may hear in the background. In this one minute, truly feel the gratitude in your heart, in your soul… feel it in your body. Be one with this feeling of gratitude.
What’s so great about Gratitude?
Gratitude is the highest vibration that is available to us in this universe.
Gratitude is a space of joy. You may feel a smile cross your face. You may even feel a small breath of laughter escape you.
Gratitude opens your spirit. Your heart will feel as though it is expanding. You may feel lighter, vibrant and energized.
Gratitude is the allowing of all that is. You will feel peaceful no matter what surrounds you in your home, at work, or anywhere on the planet.
Gratitude is being one with God. You will not feel alone. You will have a knowing that you are a part of the Divine Order of the Universe and a part of God’s Plan.
Gratitude is fullness. You will know this when you feel it.
Gratitude is a practice. Teach yourself to feel the gratitude in every moment! It's there I promise! The mere thought of it makes you tingle, makes you smile, and brings you into a space of joy, love and peace. The practice of gratitude will assist you in your daily life. It will help you to find the good in all that is, it will help you to feel the beauty and wonder of what surrounds you, it will put your mind at ease and it will fill your heart with feelings of love.

I challenge you ... every day this month to find the grateful in your day! And not just notice it, but praise God for it as well!

The Blessing ...

2009-11-02T16:13:00.000-08:00

written by me Janalea 11/2/09

I bow my head
feeling weight upon my shoulders ...
the heavy burden of life.

I try to count the blessings
so abundant in my life
Why do I allow the burdens
to make me dizzy and nauseous?

The tears freely flow ...
I have to get through this.
So much ...
too much...
I will never be enough.

And so I take my burden to His feet,
by speaking with
the one who holds His power.
He places hands upon my head
and I am blessed.

I must trust in faith
and know the weight
I carry will be lifted
by the power of the one
who is enough.

My Truest Friend!

2009-10-29T13:07:00.000-07:00

Why is it easier for me to believe the deceit of a liar than the truth of a King?

I’m pretty sure Satan is a jerk! No, I am sure of it! That little poop just love’s to get into my head and taunt my individual worth and coerce me into believing that I am somehow less!

What a Stinkin bum!!!
He counts my failures one by one and wraps them up as gifts! (How thoughtful?! NOT!!)

Real friends are very important to have! Christ should be at the top of that contact list! Because you know that it’s the hand of Christ who holds yours the tightest! The Prince of Lies is subtle and relentless, he attacks any part of me that I leave dangling out in the open … he attacks until I bleed … he loves to watch me bleed! Sometimes he’s disguised in work clothes … convincing me to believe that I literally stink at what I do! Sometimes he’s disguised as a single man convincing me that I am single because I am too whatever … (fill in the blank ----) and sometimes he comes back when I think he has left just to kick me when I am down. Yet, I still partake of that forbidden fruit every time he dangles it in front of me, and one bite leaves a lingering taste of bitter nasty yuck in my life!
Other times, I don’t think he even has to show up; I’m battered and bruised by the mental self-defeat of comparing myself to others and feeling overwhelmed, inadequate, like I have nothing to offer.
I tell myself I’m not a good enough sister, daughter or friend. That there’s not enough room for me to fit in anywhere, and once I actually do squeeze myself in, I’m just adding to the noise.
I am so grateful for family and friends! They are always on my side! They tell me that defeat and discouragement sound a lot like spiritual attack, that I’m not alone in my struggle, that God has plans for me and Satan would like nothing more than to thwart them, that feelings are not truth, that in God’s presence I lack nothing (WOW!).
I’m grateful for all of them! For people who read my blog and actually take the time to tell me that what I say has value! For my family and my closest friends who hear me whine and know that is not my true voice! I am grateful for the kind of friend who shows up at my door with diet coke and/or chocolate reinforcements!
But mostly, I am so grateful for my Savior …who listens, loves and lifts through scriptural counsel and prayer! I couldn’t get through this crap without Him.
I remind myself constantly that I am the daughter of a King, that royal blood flows in my veins, that Truth delivers what it promises…

and that liar, liar?
Well my friends, his pants are on fire!

Life ....It's a Ponderance

2009-10-19T13:24:00.000-07:00

I was going through crap this weekend and ran into my high school yearbooks. I sat thumbing through them ... nostalgic thoughts tumbling through my mind, making me dizzy.

It's funny when we are young and naive, we have such pure ideals of where life is going to take us ... I wish I could travel back in time and have a good talk with the me I used to be. I wonder if I could do that, would my life have turned out differently?? I was passive and scared of life for a long time. I was afraid to love and be loved for reasons I won't go into. When I was in my 20's I was afraid I was not worthy of the dreams I dreamed .... When I was in my 30's I fixed the parts of my psychie that made me believe that I wasn't worthy. Now I am in my 40's ... well, it's just interesting to see the journey as I nostalgically travel it again. I haven't had a bad life ... very good actually, but I definately missed out on a few things. I try to look at those things and wonder where my accountability is. I just have to place it in the Lords hands. Do the best I can now, and trust that where I am is where He wanted me to be and not just someplace I landed because I was afraid to fly a little higher.

I found a letter to myself ... one of those where you project where you are going to be in 20 years. It's been more than 20 years ... (I graduated in 1981) . I read the list of accomplishments I intended to have under my belt. It made me sad a little ... but only a little. When you are 17 you certainly don't see the dimensions life holds. With very few exceptions, I think I'm doing OK.

I'll Share my list, These are the things I wanted 20 years from 1981:

1) married for time and all eternity to the man of my dreams

2) 4 kids

3) a dog

4) I wanted to be on the general Relief Society Board (that seems silly now and I almost didn't blog it, but it was humorous, so I share)

5) Be a published author

6) Own a beautiful home

7) Be a teacher

8) Be a talk show host

Eight things ... that's all

What I got:

1.) Marriage??? = I got squat! I am looking forward to meeting, Ben, my life challenged Nephite!

2.) 4 Kids ??? = I got squat! I do have an abundance of nieces and nephews both biological and honorary that more than make up for my lack thereof in the children department!

3) A dog???= I never owned a dog, but developed a love for cats ... they are self maintaining and aside from the occasional nip and scratch are quite wonderful to have! I've had a few in my adulthood. Barney, Baby, Molly and now Maggie.

4) I no longer think it is necessary to be on the general Relief Society Board ... my ward callings are sufficiant for my needs and I have had too many to name.

5) Be a published author ... huh .. I did that! Chicken Soup for the Preteen Soul, Volume 2. I may do it again!

6.) Own a Beautiful Home???= I own a condo that has plumbing issues and needs a new kitchen sink, but I'm happy there.

7.) Be a teacher = I never was a formal 'paid' teacher. But that dream changed. I love to teach and have done so in very many ways and will continue to do so.

8) Be a talk show host = I'm young ... this could still happen!

So, I did OK ... I'm doing OK ...

1) I have a strong testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and s personal relationship with my Savior!

2) My family is freaking awesome!!!

3) I have learned to forgive ... and it sets you free!

4) I love my ward!

5) I truely believe that there's a giggle in every minute, it you find the joy within it!

6) I have a job I like ... it pays the bills!

7) I drive a cute car

8) I write ... I love to write!

9) I have freaking awesome friends!!!

10) I love music and enjoy making it part of my life!

11) I love this blog ... through it I have connected with old friends and made new ones!

12) I can still dream ... and I can still make them come true!

so, there ya go, a dozen reasons why my life is better than OK!

I have said farewell to my grandparents, some good friends and my two dear brothers, but I have great memories and look forward to eternity when we are all together again! I am richley blessed with abundance ... to much to count.

So, all in all, the road map of my life is not exactly what I planned ... but it works ... I am happy and this is good! :o)

Seriously losing it....

2009-10-16T08:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary ...

It is October 16, 2009 ... Up until now in my life I have deemed myself a reasonably intelligent, rather normal all American Mormon girl! (except for the fact that I am 46 years old and single, which is not really the norm for a Mormon girl ... but that's a subject for another blog).

Anyway, I awoke this morning at my usual 5:00 am and dressed for work ... puttered about the house, played with the cat, and left for work! I stopped at the BK lounge (Burger King) for a drive through breakfast ... spoke with the woman at the car dealership (in person ...I point this out because it is relevant to the point of the story). I then move on to work, I am an hour late because of the discussion with the car dealership! I pull into a parking place at work, get out of my car and realize that I truly don't know what the yellow lines are for on a parking lot! I get in the car and re park, proving to myself that I can indeed, be taught! I then exit my vehicular transportation module and walk to wards the building where I say hello to three fellow employees as I am walking in the building (also significant to the point of the story) Those three employees work on the second floor, so, when I pushed the elevator button (I work on the 5th floor) they went for the stairs. Just as I about to enter the elevator, I look down and realize I have my dress on inside out!!!!! I have spoken to the car dealership gal ... three people from the parking lot ... the girl at Burger King (that was in the drive through, so perhaps it doesn't count) ... and then walking into the building of work before I realize that I have dressed myself as though I were a toddler! I'm amazed that my shoes matched! (there was a time when I went to work with two different styles shoes on!) I have no socks on so therefore saved myself from more possible humiliation! I am ever grateful for the ladies room near the elevators so I could correct my problem.

OK... I am seriously losing it, folks! I don't know which end is up half of the time and the other half of the time I just don't know what the heck is going on! More seriously though, I am literally fascinated with the fact that I can feed myself! Let alone function as "normal" in society ... sad but true!

Shall I blame my creative ... albeit senile dressing habits on my:

A) Old Age??? (I can't ...I am not old enough)

B) The fact that I spent all of Sunday in the emergency room and no one knows what's wrong with me???

C) Stress??? Anxiety???

D.) all of the above !

E.) some of the above!

F.) None of the above!

Pray for me folks! If for no other reason than to hope I step into the public eye wearing clothes ... next time I shudder to think what my state could be!!!????

Hummm ...

2009-10-07T10:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt like you just missed the boat?

You Know You're Getting Old When ...

2009-10-05T09:25:00.000-07:00

( Elder Ringwood of the Quorum of The Seventy)

You Know You're Getting Old When ...

~A general authority speaks at conference that grew up in your same peer group ... no really, Elder Ringwood who spoke in the second session of conference on Sunday afternoon was in the ward I grew up in. Granted, he is a few years older than me, I am smack in the middle of two of his sisters in age. His wife was a year ahead of me in high school. He may be old ... but I am not old ... that extra few years may be the significant difference ... right??...General Authorities are old ... aren't they? But at one time I thought Bishops and stake presidents were supposed to be old ... and in my current situation neither my Bishop nor my Stake President are old. That either says they don't need to be old or definately confirms the fact that I am. Are you following me?

~ You remember going to primary on Wednesday afternoons instead of just on Sunday.

~ You refer to the people who pushed your dead car off the road as those "nice young people"!

~ When you realize the voice on the bladder control drug commercials is speaking to you!

~When the radio DJ plays a song from your Senior year in high school and refers to it as an oldie but a goodie!

~When your neighbors 2 year old refers to you as grandma!

O well ... it was bound to happen! See ya at the senior center!

Bring it to Him ...

2009-09-30T09:03:00.001-07:00

I wrote this poem and posted it a couple of weeks ago, but I tweaked it just now and like it better.

Bring It To Him
written by: Janalea Jeppson 9/2009

He hears you,
He listens
He only has one request;
Bring it right to Him.
He speaks to you with whispers in the stillness,

Every time the anger roars in your heart,

bring it to Him.

Every time you feel like nobody hears you,

bring it to Him.

When you think life isn't fair,

bring it to Him.

When you hurt in your heart, in your soul

or in your physical self,

bring the pain to Him.

When you can't think at all

because the “noise” of this day

was just too much,

bring it to His feet,

and He will make an altar from your suffering.
Have hope in Christ. Reach for Him.
He will dance in the puddles of life’s storms with you!
He is the Hope. He is the way.
He is the truth, He is the life.
He gives you life … He’ll bring you hope …
Trust Him with all your faith.
And ….
When the wind whistles, be still and listen,
For it is Him, your Savior, singing to your weary soul.

What do you say?

2009-09-27T03:58:00.000-07:00

(this is my mom and my nephew, Chris)

I know I promised to blog more ...

My mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer. I can't even wrap my brain around the concept, let alone blog about it, so for now this is all I can say. Because I want to say more but can't find the words, I will first ask you to pray for her and then I will post a song I wrote for her last mother's day, she is my hero!:

My Hero

(Written for my mom 2009)

I don’t know if you ever knew

How much I look up to you…

And did ya know that I can see

A hero in you …

shining for me

Showing me the way …

You taught me first to pray

And promised if I had faith, I’d see

The path that God has paved for me.

And every memory that we share

Is a picture you painted there,

To live forever in my soul …

Dear Mom,I just need you to know …

For all the times that I should’ve said it,

I don’t ever want to regret it …

Please understand how much you mean to me.

And the hero in you is now a part of me!

There were times when I didn’t hear

Didn’t listen, didn’t care

And things would sometimes fall apart.

But I knew I could come to you

I trusted that you would see me through

And help me heal my broken heart,

‘Cause I knew that you loved me from the start.

And every memory that we share

Is a picture you painted there

To live forever in my soul …

Dear Mom,I just need you to know …

For all the times that I should’ve said it,

I don’t ever want to regret it …

Please understand how much you mean to me.

And the hero in you is now a part of me!

What an Honor! ...No, Kanye! Stay the hec away from me!!!

2009-09-23T22:38:00.000-07:00

Look! An Award for my blog! It is an honor just to be nominated!!! I'd like to Thank my readers! My mom ... "hi mom!" and I'd like to thank Mindi! Without her, well, this wouldn't have happened!
I know, I should update more often ... I owe it to my public!

Of course, as with every Bloggy Award, there are A Few Rules. They are, forthwith:
Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.
Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post, which explains The Award.
Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!
Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.
Now that we've Dispatched with the Formalities, cue the drumroll, please.

My Pic's for the award:

Incredible women!

2009-09-23T13:29:00.000-07:00

I have a new friend who has a blog called really incredible women!http://reallyincrediblewomen.blogspot.com/
She had this on her blog and I thought it was wonderful! So I am posting it here too! Check out her blog! It's great!

Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.”-Margaret Nadauld

I'm strangely calm ... odd but true!

2009-09-16T08:57:00.001-07:00

Stress is a funny thing in life. It's a gift we wrap and give to ourselves over and over again and we act like it's a treasure! You may beg to differ, but trust me, being stressed has nothing to do with circumstance or environment, but rather your reaction to it. Your reaction is your choice! You have control over it. You decide whether or not to experience it. Today I choose not to.

I have built quite a reputation in my life with family and friends to be a bit on the high strung side! I have in the past lost my patience quite easily with my reaction to any given stimuli ... doesn't matter what ... going over the edge has happened for something as serious as crap shooting from my garbage disposal uncontrollably (disgusting ...needless to say, I don't use the garbage disposal anymore) Or completely losing it when I pull out my dutch oven and found that water had leaked on it over several months of unuse and now it is covered in rust!!

Over the years I have mellowed a bit, but until recently, I would have definitely classified myself as high strung!

I have been noted to yell at my picture of Christ for leaving me to wade through the crap of everyday gunk alone ...(unmarried...and living with a cat for those of you who are missing my point) (a side note to that, Christ is the one person who can take it the best, He loves me the most and knows exactly how to calm my wounded spirit)

I have also lost patience with loved ones who for what ever reason choose to call me when my frustration has reached it's height ... they try to fix it ...but face it kids, whatever brought me to the brink of hysteria is no body's responsibility to fix but mine. I gratefully thank every one of them for putting up with me when my pot has boiled over!

Don't get me wrong, I am usually perfectly delightful in every way. If you don't agree ... well, there are many in this life that make a conscious choice to ignore the truth! :o) I have, however, had a problem of being a little over the top with my emotional reactions when life is frustrating ... like losing my freaking car keys!! Oh, they fell behind the bed ...I can't reach them and though my cat plays fetch with little cone shaped mice, she can't grasp the concept of "go get the keys!!"(really, I think the little feline fur ball understood the concept, but chose to exercises her inner diva and taunt me with that look of sheer stupidity!) (under past circumstances this whole ordeal would have resulted in uncontrollable crying and borderline hysteria while I cursed life for leaving me childless ... I know, I know you are now thinking what does having children have to do with lost keys?? Well, when a woman is hysterical, she doesn't neseccarily make sense, so there is no point except for the fact if I had a little rug rat, they could have crawled under the bed and got the keys ... who am I kidding?? all you mom's of small children who may be reading this are thinking, "That poor sweet Jana doesn't realize that we get the same look of sheer stupidity from our kids that she gets from her cat when we ask them to do something!") Instead I chose to use the broom ... there! I have the keys! Aha! Life is good again!

So, what's different?? I heard one of you ask ... A few thoughts

I have been attending this class IE: coaching session called; "Sending The Right Message" (check out their website by clicking on the logo at right), and we have been discussing accountability. I have also talked at length with one of the facilitators about grieving the deaths of those loved ones I have lost recently. I find that I am internalizing the things I am learning and actually applying them to my life. Isn't it funny when a light goes on and you realize that you have the ability to actually learn something new in life! Go figure!!

Since these classes, over the last couple of months, I have chosen to approach the stresses from everyday life a little differently. A few challenges at work have been much easier to deal with ... my chronically broken toilet ...

OK, case in point .... the toilet ...

Several months ago... May, I believe ... I noticed my toilet was leaking. My brother, Bryan, had come by my house on Memorial Day to surf the Internet. He promised me the next day he would return to fix the leaky toilet! All is well. The next day, however, Bryan died. Some people!! I mean really!!

So far, my younger brother has offered to fix it ... and though I know if I called him he would pop over ... he has a young family and serves tirelessly in his ward so, I choose not to pester him about it. My sister has offered up her husband and his constructionary/plumbinary knowledge, but He works all night, sleeps all day and when he actually has time to spend with anyone besides fellow UPS employees, I think it should be with my sister!My home teacher has offered to fix it, but, we can't seem to get on the same page for an appointment. Now, because of the passage of time and my choice to ignore the issue the wall is now water damaged and the mop board has buckled leaving an even bigger problem at hand! Please understand, I am blaming no-one for the water damage but myself. Because, after all, this is my problem. After viewing an online video of the repair ... I realize I am actually capable of fixing the deal myself! So, I set forth to accomplish such a task and realized that it is not a broken seal but a crack in the tank and a leak in the waterline ... So, I bought a new toilet ...I probably didn't need to, but I wanted a new one and that was as good an excuse as any. Only now, I am back to needing help because the new toilet is in the back of my car and too heavy to handle on my own.

But the key point to the toilet story is that I have let this go for five months! So, the fact that my wall has water damage is my fault! I didn't cause the leak, but my choice to make it someone Else's problem has only made my problem worse! Oh, the irony!

So, driving to a given destination last week and having poor Lucy (my car) just stop would have been the very thing that would send me over the edge! It didn't... I sat and waited for the tow and talked tirelessly on my cell phone, not one tear was shed. I did get upset because I missed a workshop I was planning to go to, but it wasn't over the top upset, just disappointed upset. I waited all day for a diagnosis from the car doc and didn't get it ... which in the past would have sent me into a bawling angry fit! It didn't. Instead I waited for my niece whom I have hired to help me get a handle on a few chores and I asked her to take me on an errand I needed a car to run. Late Saturday afternoon I called the mechanic and he gave me the grave news ...she is dead! I handled it quite well. She lasted 15 years ... 13 of which she was mine! I counted on her and she followed through ... and now she can be laid to rest in a car cemetery , otherwise known as a junk yard! I'm OK with that. Lucy lived a good life and was rarely sick. I bought Emily (my new car) from a used car adoption center in Sandy (or West Jordan) ...otherwise known as Carmax. She is big enough to transport the toilet blogged about earlier! But small enough to still get good gas mileage :o)

This morning while traveling to work in my new vehicular transportation module ... I was pulled over for speeding and got a ticket! And was strangely calm ... I was guilty! I will pay the fine even though I can think of many places I would rather put that $90.00 ... giving it to Midvale City only seems fair, since I can't seem to follow the rules!

By the way, I can fix my toilet ... and all is well with the world :o)

Look what I bought!!!...

2009-09-12T21:35:00.000-07:00

I was driving to get to an appointment and Lucy (my car) just stopped!!! I got as close to the shoulder as I could by coasting but still had visions of being hit flashing across my inner vision! 3 very nice young people(now that sounded quite grandmotherly)pushed me out of the way. I waited an hour for a tow! Well, I can get kind of high strung in situations such as these, and believe it or not I was surprisingly calm! Late Saturday afternoon, I called my mechanic and he gave me the grave news! My Sweet Lucy was dead ... just dead and fixing her would be more than the blue book price for the car and would probably not be a permanent fix. She was a 1994 prism and I loved her!(she was paid for!)

Kayleen and James took me to Carmax later just to look, but by 8:30 that evening I was the proud owner of Emily ... (yes I name my cars!) She is delightful and I am thrilled but she is now a car payment!!! Isn't she a beaut?!

Hope Dances in the puddles!

2009-09-09T13:33:00.000-07:00

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass ...
It's about learning to dance in the rain!" --unknown

Today I have felt and overwhelming sense of my Father in Heaven's love for me. It brings such peace in my heart and I am so grateful to know He's there! Because of this testimony I know that when life sends rain...Hope dances in the puddles until the sun comes out again.

Bring It To Me

written by: Janalea Jeppson

He hears me,

He listens

He only has one request;

"Bring it right to me," Jana,

He whispers to the stillness,
"Every time the anger roars in your heart. Bring it to Me.
Every time you feel like nobody hears you. Bring it to Me.
When you think it isn't fair.

When you think it isn't true.

When you can't think at all.
Bring it to My feet,

and I will make an altar from your suffering.

Share with me your joy as well and

I will dance in the puddles with you!

And when the wind whistles, just know that it is me singing

to your weary soul."

Wrong number?

2009-09-04T07:10:00.000-07:00

I am always in Awe of our Heavenly Father who has a way of reminding me every now and again of my worth. He knows when I have reached the end of my rope and I am done ... just done. And then He reaches into my life and pulls out those experiences of which my worth was validated and he wraps them with a bow and gives them back to me as treasured gifts. I want to share one of these experiences;

I was employed at a cell phone company here in Utah for a short time. I worked on the customer service lines. My typical day included 90% social work (because that's just my personality) and 10% cell phone troubleshooting.

I had an experience there that I recently recalled with clarity … I want to share:

Me: This is Jana, How can I help you?

"Mom?" a shaky voice on the other end of the phone asked,

ME: "I doubt it," I answered, "I’m no-body’s mom."

Woman: Sorry, I have the wrong number.

ME: No worries.

Now, I have one of those personalities that make me think it is my personal mission to save the world one person at a time. So, before the woman hung up I asked, "Are you OK?"
"No," her voice quivered. "My 14 year old daughter came and told me and my husband she’s pregnant. My husband went ballistic and kicked her out of the house. Well, she’s 14! So, I packed a bag and went with her."
We are in a dump dive motel on the outskirts of town. She is devastated and I am heartbroken. My husband said we could only come back home if I promised to take her to get an abortion. Every fiber in my soul says that’s the wrong choice to make. What am I supposed to do?"

WOW! My "Are you OK?" question was apparently loaded! My mind was racing, what do I say? I don’t believe in coincidences so I knew that I was God’s choice to navigate these waters.

me: "Do you believe in God?" that’s all I could think to ask.

Woman: Yes …but I haven’t been to church since I was 12.

Me: You need to put that belief in God in the center of your core and trust that he can help your family through this.

Woman: I don’t know how to do that.

ME: Just ask, talk to him just like you’re talking to me., ask Him to inspire you with direction, ask Him to soften your husband’s heart.

Woman: "It can’t be that simple." She stated flatly

Me: Anything that requires faith, if you feel like you don’t have it, is not simple. Faith will make it easier, ask Him to help you with your faith.

Silence

Me: Mam, are you still there?

Woman: Yes

Me: What inspires you?

Woman: music.

Me: Look for a Michael Mclean song called, "From God’s Arms to My Arms to Yours" Google it …you won’t regret it.

Woman: I never heard of him ...

Me: "Trust me, what have you got to lose? Oh, an did you need help with your cell phone?" I asked as an afterthought, remembering that I was indeed at work.

Woman: "No," she replied thoughtfully, " I thought I dialed the wrong number, but now I'm not so sure I did."

I laughed ... "Call me back if you need to talk."

About six weeks later,

Me on the phone at work: "This is Jana, how can I help you?"

Woman: "I’m sure you don’t remember me, I have been transferred all over the country and I’m sure to India and back, but, are you the girl who likes Michael Mclean songs?"

ME: "Yes!" I was shocked!

Woman: "Well, I found it … the song "From God's Arms To My Arms to Yours" and it has made all the difference. There is also a song called "Hold On, The Light Will Come" ... which fills my spirit whenever I listen.

ME: "I'm so glad." I answered, "Is your daughter OK?"

Woman: Yes, she picked a family; it will be an open adoption … It’s hard, but it feels right.

Me: How’s your husband?

Woman: Well, He came and got us from the Motel that night. He’s a hot head, but when he calms down it usually works out.

ME: I’m glad.

Woman: "Thank you." She whispered.

Have you ever felt like your existence was insignificant? Or perhaps that the world as you know it was going to crumble and fall around you leaving you drifting in space alone ... I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but we all have bad days. I have been faced with a personal challenge in one aspect of my life where I have found someone trying very hard to crush my spirit. When you feel that way, you question your worth.

Well, during a prayer for strength and peace I recalled this experience from my life with clarity. My Father was reminding me that no matter who in this world is trying to trip anyone of us up ... there is value in our existence. Wading through the crap is an unfortunate but very necessary part of our personal journey. He places people in our lives or experiences that enable us to use our power as His children to lift one another until we are back in His arms again.

I thank God for the gift He gave Michael Mclean so Michael could inspire me to lift that mother's aching soul and in turn, 5 years later, that experience could lift me up again and bring a smile to my heavy heart.

Friends Forever!

2009-08-31T22:36:00.000-07:00

Here's to good friends! For listening, laughing, loving, crying, hoping, praying, and dancing in the joy of life, when you need them most and when you think you don't! I would name names, but I may inadvertently miss someone and I would not want to hurt feelings! So my friends, This blog's for you and the poem ... though written a while ago fits and I want to remind you all how much you mean to me!

She Is My Friend

Written By Janalea Jeppson May 2006

She showed me how to love life
Until it loved me back.
She listened to my heart when all I
Could hear were echoes,
Then she wrote down the melody
And sang it back to me.
When my dreams were too big
Too wild and too far away,
She helped me tame them
Until they were close enough …
And gentle enough to be realized.
She was kind and loving and patient with me.
Because of this, I understood my worth.
She woke up one day and threw away
All of her excuses,
And then came over with a broom
And a dustpan
And together we threw away mine too!
She ignored me when I said, “It’s impossible!”
And like a potter with clay, she
Helped me shape the possibilities.
When she discovered she could fly,
She Helped me to find my wings,
She painted the tips with gold …
Then taught me to fly!
We both learned how to enjoy life
To the end ..
Instead of merely enduring to the end.
And together we joined in the celebration!
When my life wasn’t turning out
the way I imagined …
She helped me to imagine more.
She lassoed a rainbow for me,
And used it to color my world with love.
She is the light that
Show’s me the way,
She make’s my world a better place.
She is my treasured friend.

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some moves our souls to dance.
They awaken us to new understanding
with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile,
leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never, ever the same.”

Flavia
.

39.95 plus shipping and handling!

2009-08-24T06:52:00.000-07:00

This last weekend I celebrated my birthday! I love birthday's! I had a good one! Birthdays always make me reflect. I either get really sappy with nostalgia or very philosophical! This year It's philosophical! I tend to evaluate my existence when I am face with adversity, challenge or tragedy and this year I have been dealing with a little of everything ...

Up until recently I felt like I was getting older ... you know OLDER especially when my grand niece, Sariah, points out that I have too munch granny in my hair, or suggests that I might have gone to high school with Noah's wife (see earlier post)! But after my brother's hasty departure from this life I have realized that old is a state of mind and I've got a lot of living to do!

My personal philosophy in life is that in order to really live you must be forgiving! Hanging onto grudges, anger and frustration can hold a person stagnet in life. It takes courage to let go of things such as that, but it's worth the effort. Forgiveness releases you and the other person. It fives you both a new beginning. So, don't be mad! BE GLAD!

Don't live in regret. I think we can all choose stuff from our past that we could have a do-over on. There have been times I have wished that I could go back to my younger self and smack her ... or at least show her that she's not going to like the end of the road making that certain choice! But, what good would that do me. What is, is! Accept past mistakes as lessons for the future! Praise God for the atonment of His son and look to the future with hope and anticipation! I know I have blogged about this over and over again, but I have such a stong testimony of the power that His atonement holds for each of us personally that I guess I don't think I could ever say enough about encouraging others to open their hearts to the possibility that being perfect was never what was expected of us ... if it was, His gift would have been pointless! (think about it)

I found a quote on the internet ... I loved it "There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few that will catch your heart. Pursue those." unknown

Do something new ... maybe you'll find a hidden talent! Allow yourself the chance to experience newness! Open your mind to the possibilities of your creativity.

Write a poem

learn to paint/draw

play an instrument

write a song

run a marathon

try out for American idol just to see if you can get some camera time!

Make friends with lonely person in a rest home, you'll never regret that!

So ... in essence

learn to really live ... enjoy to the end!

LISTEN TO YOUR HEART , our world is loud and very chaotic. Take the time to pause, look around and bask in the wonder!

Remember, with every birthday you celebrate come wisdom gained from experience ... true wisdom is avoiding all thoughts that weaken you!

Life is filled with crap! And it takes full awareness, a great attitude and a heart filled with gratitude to avoid it!

Happy Birthday to me! I am not over 40 ...I'm 39.95 plus shipping and handling!

I'm not Dead Yet, So I must be Stronger!

2009-08-13T05:02:00.000-07:00

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “If it doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger!” Well, I’m not dead yet …so I must be stronger :o)
As you can tell from the majority of my posts this summer … I have struggled to make sense if drastic changes that have been thrust upon me in my life. I have had some amazing truths reaffirmed for me:

A: There is absolutely nothing in life more important than a personal relationship with our Savior, Jesus Christ! That relationship alone will get you not only through this life, but through this life happily. You’ve heard “Endure to the End”, well that sounds like a lot of work and not too pleasant. Well, it’s true, enduring to the end is not always pleasant…but it is necessary, and by developing a relationship with Christ … growing a testimony of truth in your heart. Learning to apply spiritual knowledge and the atonement to your life and walking with God and His Son Jesus Christ and allowing them to be the center … the very core of who you are, this will keep you floating when you’re not strong enough to swim anymore!

B: And almost equal to that, there is nothing more important than family. It’s about cultivating relationships within that realm and about taking the time to make every moment matter. It’s about letting go of pettiness, and rivalry and rejoicing in the light of the wonderful gift of having someone to hang on to!

Time is fleeting … we only have a minute and then we’ll all be through! No-one is going to make it out of this life experience alive. I never cease to be amazed that time seems to be rolling by faster and faster every year. SO get in … hang on ….keeps your arms and legs inside the ride … feel the breeze in your hair as you slide from now to then!

Laugh … and feel the true joy that our Father desires us to experience!

Live out loud! … Be who God created you to be! You have a gift within you that no other soul that has ever lived or ever will live can share. Don’t leave this life looking back and wondering …did I do everything I was supposed to??

Dream! God did not give you the power to dream without also giving you the power to make them come true! So Dream and Dream Big for the world’s possibilities are endless if we are only open enough to receive them!

Be Grateful! True joy can also be experienced in gratitude for all you have been given!

Keep promises … promises ignored will cause pain and the pain caused takes value and self worth from another and only leaves you with regret!

Forgive! People can be thoughtless at times … be patient and be kind … be like the Savior. Find a way to take the conditions off of your love … I know there are times in life when that is not easy … but I know that it is worth it!

C: Learn to get along. ... God gave us agency and because of that agency we all make choices to the dictates of our own conscience … He did not command us to find offense with one another … I remember that one …it’s an easy one, He said Love one another. Love thy neighbor … We don’t have His permission to hate even if we learn that our neighbor is making a choice to live differently than we believe. We don’t have to condone the behavior of the man/woman in order to learn to love their soul! Christ loves all in whom He suffered and died for, He did not suffer for only a select few, and His atonement is for everyone … EVERY ONE! His word does not stipulate to only love the people who think the way you think and live the way you live. Our world is running rampant with people who choose to find offense and to hate. Satan is having a heyday with misunderstanding and anger! There is name calling and frustration reeking havoc in the streets. The garbage being thrown causes pain and heartache in the hearts of all who make the choice to participate! Be the change!
Be the shining example of Christ Like love and you will be a beacon for the world!

D: Be accountable! Everything in life that affects you, you hold accountability for. Whether you created the experience or it was thrust upon you, the accountability is how you choose to react to it! Own what is yours ... fix it (fixing is not necessarily easy ... I am aware!), then move on! Playing the blame game is a waste of time! Saying that my leaky toilet is not my fault is true ...but I have accountability in my choice of how to deal with it ... and though I did not cause the issue I am the one with the responsibility to fix it!

Family ... God knows what He's doing :o)

2009-08-09T22:52:00.000-07:00

Growing up I had a built in security blanket ... my older sister, Kayleen ... and my younger brother's Bryan and Leon. We are very close in age. Kayleen is 11 months older than me, Bryan 16 monthes younger and Leon only 10 months younger than him. So, there was always someone around ... I had someone to sit with, someone to be with, someone was always there in my corner, on my side. It seemed that no matter how much the sibling arguing, fighting, name calling and genuine rivalry might have been there, when the going got tough we were a band of many that became one. I have never had better friendships, I have never had better moral support than those that were born of simply being family. My brother Leon was killed in an accident when he was 16. My brother Bryan recently passed away. The loss of one sibling was profound and devistating ... but the loss of two has seemed profoundly unfair! I have other siblings. I still have my own home team. But of the original 4 ... there is just me plus one more and it seems very lonely.

I had a strange dream about my brother, Bryan the other night. He asked me not to be angry with him. I am not. However, his passing has left a significant emptiness in my heart and my job is to find a new normal for life.

It's ok ... I have a testimony of the gospel and eternal life. I'll get through the rough patches ... we all will!

In the meantime ... I have Kayleen ... and Noraleen an Ruth and ElRey and Jacob and Jerry and Becky ... their spouses ... their kids and Bryan's wife, Teena and their kids ... and I realize that the hometeam is still significant! There is still someone to laugh with, and cry with and hold ... there is still a corner filled with family, that is my soft place to fall. While now, when I seem to be in constant battle with the adversary who is trying to make me believe I am all alone ... the truth is, He's a liar. I am not alone.

No wonder that slimeball tries so hard to mess with our heads ... when he had someone in his corner, he never realized it's value and now he wants to bring us to where he is, miserable and alone!

Is it Beef or is it Jello?????????

2009-07-31T11:17:00.000-07:00

I was having a memory today ... it brought much needed laughter, so I thought I would share it with everybody!

When my oldest nephew was 3 (by the way, He is now 27 (AND NO, I AM NOT OLD,SARIAH!!!) I spent a great deal of time with him. At the time I only had two nephews and the second was just a newborn. I loved spending time with them, and three year olds are just cute! ... well, mostly ... let me explain:

At that particular time in the 80's the ad campaign for Wendy’s was this tiny little old lady saying “where’s the beef” when faced with a competitors hamburger, was very popular! As a matter of fact, the "where's the beef?" line she said in the commercial had become a popular catch phrase.

One day the sweet little cherub, I call my nephew and I were watching TV together and this ever popular commercial came on… this tiny, little old lady spouting off “where’s the beef??? Where’s the beef??? Was truly amusing so of course I laughed! The sweet little boy with me ... you know, the 3 year old cutie .. well, for just a moment that sweet child that he usually was had gone AWOL !!! He hadn't moved but had suddenly been overtaken by a tiny little stinker! That Sweet little cherub treasure leaned over and patted my not so thin belly and stated rather matter of fact a response to the old fart's question, "Where's the beef?", “It’s right here lady, it’s right here!” What a little stinker! Of course I had to laugh and he said ... "but this one comes with jello" What??? Jello??? "Yea Auntie "J" he said, "you wiggle in the middle when you giggle just a little! What a treasure!!! What's sad is 24 years have passed and I still do, only now my jello is the giant economy size like you get at a price club!!! LOL!

Joy In The Journey!

2009-07-21T23:12:00.000-07:00

Over the years, I have known people who had so much, but were grateful for so little, and still can never seem to find their happy place! I have known so many who possess many skills, talents and abilities, but just sit back and ignore the gifts given them! I have been guilty of such things myself! I have pondered alot lately, I have drawn strength from the deep spiritual pores of my own soul to get through recent events in my life. And I find that through the crust of the crap in life, I am filled with joy and gratitude in having a testimony, a personal relationship with my Savior, a family I cherish, and friends who help me up when I am down! I have learned that if I want to make a difference in the world, I must move forward. God has a plan for each of us, and I believe that part of the fun of it all is finding your purpose and experiencing the joy of life through your own personal discovery! I have some life lessons that I want to share that may help you on your own personal journey!

First, find those who mean the most to you tell them how much you love them, tell them you are proud of them, give them your time ... I promise, you'll never regret it!

Second, give encouragement to those around you! Be a positive force in another life! Be the person who is the sun and the warmth around ... you will never lack for friends and what goes around, comes around! When we help others, we bring joy to our own lives.

Third, suppress negative thoughts that can sometimes hold you back. By believing in yourself, you will be willing to take certain risks that you can benefit from in the long run.

Fourth, never be afraid to try something new! That is one of my greatest challenges, because I like the comfort of the familiar and well known. If you believe in something you never believed possible, then your mind and your heart can truly appreciate the power that lies within you!

When you access that power that God ignites within you, you will be filled with true joy and happiness!

Fifth, Make a plan! map it, and follow it! God gave us all the tools we need, and all the guidance we seek ... if we just seek!

Sixth, simplify your life. By getting rid of the things we don’t need or not accumulating them at all, we will have less to clean, less to step over and less to get in our way. (I know, I have some work to do in this area ! LOL)

Seventh, smile, even when things are not perfect. When we smile our hearts believe we are happy. If we want to find pure joy, we must have peace in our hearts.

Recently, President Monson counciled us to find joy in the journey! One of my personal montra's is: "There's a giggle in every minute, if you find the joy within it!" So, find the joy! I double dog dare you!

A conversation with Sariah ...

2009-07-16T14:14:00.000-07:00

Sariah is 5 … my brother’s granddaughter!

Sariah: Aunt Jana, are you married?

Aunt Jana: No, sweetie, I’m not!

Sariah: Why?

Aunt Jana: I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.

Sariah: Why?

Aunt Jana: I dunno kid, I wish I could tell you!

Sariah: Do you go on dates?

Aunt Jana: No, I haven’t been on a date in a long time.

Sariah: That’s probly why you’re not married. You got to date some guys … and then one will marry you! (probly is spelled wrong on purpose, that’s the way she said it!)

Oh, the profound wisdom of a child … I wish it were really that simple!