True Confessions



If I thought my life would be better by hanging upsidedown from a cat perch, I would try it!

 I have not had health insurance since October ... therefore I have cut corners on necessary medications. I don't want to have a stroke or heart attack so I have been purchasing my blood pressure and cholesterol medication without fail. However in order to get medicated for the month of June, my Doctor insisted I come in for a much needed visit. She asked me today how I was doing. (that was a loaded question).

I began:

~I am unemployed ... and if one more person asks me if I have a job yet. I am going to take them out!
~I'm fat and I am trying so hard to lose weight and it is not coming off! I am doing all the right things, changing my eating habits ... exercising etc .... but the diet gods are just laughing in my face!
~My mother may have her breast cancer back again and facing a double mastectomy
~I had to go to Walmart last night for a personal item ... it was 11:00 pm so it was not crowded but I wanted to destroy anyone or anything that looked at me.
~I really want to slap someone so don't get in my way!
~And if one more of my "adopted" grandma's tells me I never got married because I am fat and I should have bi-pass surgery ... I will punch her in the face!
~I really want to hurt Arnold Schwarzenegger and I don't even know him!
I'll stop now before I get violent!

What my Doctor said:

~I'm sorry you are unemployed ...
~You are probably not going to lose weight very fast because this med and that med that you are already taking is probably hindering that ... it will happen, but it will be very slow
~Have you had a mammogram ... we have a program you can get it done at no cost.
~Wanting to slap people or "take them out" is not a healthy display of emotion so maybe we can prescribe a new anxiety med
~Do these older ladies realize that surgery costs lots of money and has difficult side effects, are they going to pay for it? It may be beneficial for you to hold off keeping their company until further notice.
~Unless you know Arnold personally, let it go....

She prescribed a new med for anxiety ... I'm calling it my happy pill!

AAAAHHHH

Are your batteries in backwards ???

         
I was having a conversation about my life with my sister in law. I told her that If I get to heaven and St Peter reveals at the gate that I have been punked and this life was all a joke, I will not be too happy! All this crap for nothing but a laugh...ha! (And yes, I know, my crap is mild considering so no e-mails from the peanut gallery ...LOL) A couple of days later I was cleaning trash out of my car and found my poor dead digital camera. It was quite expensive and never mind that I had hardly used it ... I spilled something on it and killed it dead. I sat there, contemplating on if I was ready to throw it out and realized that there was a picture card in there (what are those do hickies called?) So, I decided to run over to Walmart and see if the pictures were any good or if I had ruined that too...
I stood there getting help from the clerk. She took the camera and and pulled the card do hickie out and made another observation... "What did you say happened to the phone?" She asked ... "Diet Coke spilled on it... I tried new batteries but when that didn't work I decided that funeral plans were in order..." I laughed.
"Well," she began " I don't see any damage caused by moisture, so your camera case must have absorbed it." then she turned the camera around, opened up the battery compartment and removed and then replaced the batteries. "Your batteries were in backwards." She stated ... she then turned on my camera and took a couple of pictures of the fine retail establishment. "See, good as new!"
Well, I'll be hog tied! Batteries in backwards, who knew? I got to thinking about the heaven conversation with my sister in law and was suddenly overcome with the possibility that maybe my life is not working well because my batteries are in backwards ... what if I get to heaven and St Peter says..." Your batteries were in backwards, sweetie ... too bad you didn't realize it, things may have been different."
So, How do you check your life batteries? I would imagine scripture study and prayer will help. Totally surrendering to the will of our Heavenly Father as well has complete trust and faith, those concepts are huge. I think about my own personality and realize that losing the occasional bad attitude might help ...LOL! Total submission to our Father's will is easier said than done... I want to submit ... but that requires trust and faith...that is where I am challenged ... I try.  Some days are better than others. I have a deep, fervent desire to be obedient. I also want my mission here in life to be fulfilled, unfortunately, I have no idea what that mission is. I know what I wanted it to be, but that's not what it turned out to be and I have spent way to much time pining and whining about what never was. Now I stand here at a crossroads not knowing quite how to handle my challenges, my growing need for welfare, for being surrounded by the reality that I am just not enough ... I am not young enough, cute enough, thin enough. How do you shift your way of thinking? apparently my batteries have been in backwards for some time and I have not been successful in fixing them ... maybe my life has never worked properly because of backward batteries (hmmm). Total submission to our Father requires a great deal of personal strength. To actually give Him your concerns and burdens and allow Him to work things out in His time. I am the bratty child that stands at his feet whining, "your not going fast enough! Hurry, Hurry, Hurry!"
When you give something away, it is no longer yours. If you give your life to the Lord, He’ll give it right back to you with so much more added to it. So why are we so afraid to give it up? Is it my narcisistic desire to be in complete control? John 10:10 says, “… I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”    I want a more abundant life! Who doesn't? So what is my problem?

Additionally  Mosiah 24:14 says, “And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.”
So, the truth is, my Father wants me to have an abundant life, He has not left me alone in my trials and he will take my burdens and carry them ... it seems like a  no brainer to me, yet I still struggle ... go figure.
I know that my Father In Heaven can do so much more with my life than I can. My job at this moment is to pray each day to be open to the promptings of the Holy Ghost. I must submit to His will, I must trust Him, because I know His plan for me is unfailing.

Life's Embarrassing Moments ...

I was having a conversation with a young person in my life. A harmless conversation. She had a writing assignment to tell about her most embarrassing moment. She asked me to share mine with her! Well, I have had many embarrassing moments in my life ... I shared the highlights with her ...

Embarrassing moment #1: THE WRAP AROUND SKIRT


I was 19 and a sophomore at the University of Utah ... it was finals and I had been studying feverishly for hours at the Marriott Library in the center of Campass. It was a beautiful spring day and I had celebrated the beauty of the new season by wearing a brand new wrap around skirt to school ... (very fashionable back in the day).  I was so wrapped up in my studying that the time got away from me and I suddenly realized that I had 15 minutes to run half way across campass to make it to my final! The very one I had been studying for! I grabbed my books and ran out to the center plaza right outside of the library door. A sorority sister stopped me and we quickly exchanged the daily scoop. As I stood there, I shifted my books to my other hip and ... there you go ... the  beautiful floral wrap around skirt had come untied and fell to the ground ... revealing my pretty under panties (I was not endowed then, so they were traditional panties .... oh, and I was much thinner back in the day so they were bikini style ....) needles to say, me, standing there in my skivvies warranted cat calls...whistles...strange animal sounds and applause from all corners of the plaza .... I picked up my skirt with all of the dignity I could muster and went on to my final. I have been scarred for years ...

Embarrassing moment #2: THE GREAT CELL PHONE INCIDENT




I blogged about this before, so if it seems you are having a deja' vu... you are! This was an incident that happened during an endowment session at the Jordan River Temple. You know, one of those incredibly sacred events that require a great deal of reverence ...


There I was, preparing myself for a spiritually defining moment in my frustrating life, The session had only been going for a few moments when a cell phone began to ring! Never mind that the cell phone  should not have been in that sacred room at all, I immediately began to panic because it was my phone and everyone knew it, after all, it was my boobs a ringing (yes! I had put my phone in my bra and forgot to remove it in the dressing room!)  To add to my embarrassment my ring tone was the rather irreverent song Taylor Swift sings "You're a red neck heartbreak who's really bad at lying ... As far as I'm concerned you're just another picture to burn!" Mortified, not knowing what to do I naturally fumbled to turn the phone off without reaching down my neckline to grab the phone, but to know avail! And a sweet old temple worker coming over to my seat to ask me to turn off the phone... THEY  STOPPED THE SESSION!! I was then escorted to the hallway and another temple worker waited as I fished for the phone ... turned it off and let him (the temple worker) take temporary custody of the ill placed electronic device! Then to be escorted back to my seat so the session could be continued! To this day, I wonder what memories my fellow sessioners have in what I like to refer to as the great cell phone incident! I still have nightmares about it! LOL. I wondered at the time if it warranted a trip to the Bishop's office??? I never went ... to confess that incident nor have I ever confessed my recent temple mishap of accidentally flushing my knee high stockings down the toilet in the ladies room...
(I secretly fear having the Bishop strip me of my temple attending privileges!)

Mother's Day

My mom is the cute curly headed gal behind the kid with the glasses!
I have my hand on the ape, whom we used to joke was our dad ...
 It was my 15th birthday. Bryan is below me age 13,
Kayleen in the sailor shirt age 16 and Leon in the Mickey Mouse shirt age 12

Mother's day! It can be an interesting day for me. I try not to think about never having the opportunity to have children of my own and rather focus on the Joy of my mother ... great friends in my life...and an amazing sister! Actually, I have a few of those!

 I received a booklet from a sweet friend written by Sheri Dew entitled "Are We Not All Mothers?" I read it and was strengthened!   "Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.
President Gordon B. Hinckley stated that “God planted within women something divine.” That something is the gift and the gifts of motherhood. Women are born with an inherent right, an inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls … and the regenerating force in the lives of God’s children.”

Motherhood is the most ennobling endowment our Father In Heaven could give His daughters, a sacred trust that gave women an unparalleled role in helping His children keep their second estate.
Elder John A. Widtsoe was explicit: “Women who through no fault of their own cannot exercise the gift of motherhood directly, may do so vicariously.”

For reasons only known to the Lord, I have been required to wait for my dream of a family, which I am sure the waiting will carry on to my next estate. This delay is so hard for me, especially as my friends and family graduate from motherhood to grandmotherhood. The Lord’s timetable for me does not change my nature which means that I must simply find other ways to be a  mother. All around us are those who need to be loved and led. I have the responsibility to love and help lead the rising generation. How will our young women learn to live as women of God unless they see what women of God look like, meaning what we wear, watch, and read; how we fill our time and our minds; how we face temptation and uncertainty; where we find true joy; and why modesty and femininity are hallmarks of righteous women? How will our young men learn to value women of God if we don’t show them the virtue of our virtues?

I am so grateful that I can mother vicariously through my nieces, nephews, and other children in my life! I am grateful for the parents of all those children who allow me the joy of influencing their children's lives. and until I have children of my own ... there is so much to do :o) ...



 My sister, Ruth, will be having her baby on Tuesday the 10th ... it's a boy, His name will be August. My sister in Law, Mindi will be having a baby girl on Thursday. I think they are naming her, Lucy ... I could be wrong. My niece, Devin, recently announced she is having a Baby in December and my nephew will become a dad in October. My other nephew became a dad in March! Not to mention all the sweet ones that are already here and growing up  WOW! So many babies and only one auntie Jana! My work is just beginning! LOL! I am thrilled for all of them.