Life ....It's a Ponderance

I was going through crap this weekend and ran into my high school yearbooks. I sat thumbing through them ... nostalgic thoughts tumbling through my mind, making me dizzy.

It's funny when we are young and naive, we have such pure ideals of where life is going to take us ... I wish I could travel back in time and have a good talk with the me I used to be. I wonder if I could do that, would my life have turned out differently?? I was passive and scared of life for a long time. I was afraid to love and be loved for reasons I won't go into. When I was in my 20's I was afraid I was not worthy of the dreams I dreamed .... When I was in my 30's I fixed the parts of my psychie that made me believe that I wasn't worthy. Now I am in my 40's ... well, it's just interesting to see the journey as I nostalgically travel it again. I haven't had a bad life ... very good actually, but I definately missed out on a few things. I try to look at those things and wonder where my accountability is. I just have to place it in the Lords hands. Do the best I can now, and trust that where I am is where He wanted me to be and not just someplace I landed because I was afraid to fly a little higher.

I found a letter to myself ... one of those where you project where you are going to be in 20 years. It's been more than 20 years ... (I graduated in 1981) . I read the list of accomplishments I intended to have under my belt. It made me sad a little ... but only a little. When you are 17 you certainly don't see the dimensions life holds. With very few exceptions, I think I'm doing OK.

I'll Share my list, These are the things I wanted 20 years from 1981:

1) married for time and all eternity to the man of my dreams

2) 4 kids

3) a dog

4) I wanted to be on the general Relief Society Board (that seems silly now and I almost didn't blog it, but it was humorous, so I share)

5) Be a published author

6) Own a beautiful home

7) Be a teacher

8) Be a talk show host

Eight things ... that's all

What I got:

1.) Marriage??? = I got squat! I am looking forward to meeting, Ben, my life challenged Nephite!

2.) 4 Kids ??? = I got squat! I do have an abundance of nieces and nephews both biological and honorary that more than make up for my lack thereof in the children department!

3) A dog???= I never owned a dog, but developed a love for cats ... they are self maintaining and aside from the occasional nip and scratch are quite wonderful to have! I've had a few in my adulthood. Barney, Baby, Molly and now Maggie.

4) I no longer think it is necessary to be on the general Relief Society Board ... my ward callings are sufficiant for my needs and I have had too many to name.

5) Be a published author ... huh .. I did that! Chicken Soup for the Preteen Soul, Volume 2. I may do it again!

6.) Own a Beautiful Home???= I own a condo that has plumbing issues and needs a new kitchen sink, but I'm happy there.

7.) Be a teacher = I never was a formal 'paid' teacher. But that dream changed. I love to teach and have done so in very many ways and will continue to do so.

8) Be a talk show host = I'm young ... this could still happen!

So, I did OK ... I'm doing OK ...

1) I have a strong testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and s personal relationship with my Savior!

2) My family is freaking awesome!!!

3) I have learned to forgive ... and it sets you free!

4) I love my ward!

5) I truely believe that there's a giggle in every minute, it you find the joy within it!

6) I have a job I like ... it pays the bills!

7) I drive a cute car

8) I write ... I love to write!

9) I have freaking awesome friends!!!

10) I love music and enjoy making it part of my life!

11) I love this blog ... through it I have connected with old friends and made new ones!

12) I can still dream ... and I can still make them come true!

so, there ya go, a dozen reasons why my life is better than OK!

I have said farewell to my grandparents, some good friends and my two dear brothers, but I have great memories and look forward to eternity when we are all together again! I am richley blessed with abundance ... to much to count.

So, all in all, the road map of my life is not exactly what I planned ... but it works ... I am happy and this is good! :o)

Seriously losing it....

Dear Diary ...

It is October 16, 2009 ... Up until now in my life I have deemed myself a reasonably intelligent, rather normal all American Mormon girl! (except for the fact that I am 46 years old and single, which is not really the norm for a Mormon girl ... but that's a subject for another blog).

Anyway, I awoke this morning at my usual 5:00 am and dressed for work ... puttered about the house, played with the cat, and left for work! I stopped at the BK lounge (Burger King) for a drive through breakfast ... spoke with the woman at the car dealership (in person ...I point this out because it is relevant to the point of the story). I then move on to work, I am an hour late because of the discussion with the car dealership! I pull into a parking place at work, get out of my car and realize that I truly don't know what the yellow lines are for on a parking lot! I get in the car and re park, proving to myself that I can indeed, be taught! I then exit my vehicular transportation module and walk to wards the building where I say hello to three fellow employees as I am walking in the building (also significant to the point of the story) Those three employees work on the second floor, so, when I pushed the elevator button (I work on the 5th floor) they went for the stairs. Just as I about to enter the elevator, I look down and realize I have my dress on inside out!!!!! I have spoken to the car dealership gal ... three people from the parking lot ... the girl at Burger King (that was in the drive through, so perhaps it doesn't count) ... and then walking into the building of work before I realize that I have dressed myself as though I were a toddler! I'm amazed that my shoes matched! (there was a time when I went to work with two different styles shoes on!) I have no socks on so therefore saved myself from more possible humiliation! I am ever grateful for the ladies room near the elevators so I could correct my problem.

OK... I am seriously losing it, folks! I don't know which end is up half of the time and the other half of the time I just don't know what the heck is going on! More seriously though, I am literally fascinated with the fact that I can feed myself! Let alone function as "normal" in society ... sad but true!

Shall I blame my creative ... albeit senile dressing habits on my:

A) Old Age??? (I can't ...I am not old enough)

B) The fact that I spent all of Sunday in the emergency room and no one knows what's wrong with me???

C) Stress??? Anxiety???

D.) all of the above !

E.) some of the above!

F.) None of the above!

Pray for me folks! If for no other reason than to hope I step into the public eye wearing clothes ... next time I shudder to think what my state could be!!!????

You Know You're Getting Old When ...

( Elder Ringwood of the Quorum of The Seventy)

You Know You're Getting Old When ...

~A general authority speaks at conference that grew up in your same peer group ... no really, Elder Ringwood who spoke in the second session of conference on Sunday afternoon was in the ward I grew up in. Granted, he is a few years older than me, I am smack in the middle of two of his sisters in age. His wife was a year ahead of me in high school. He may be old ... but I am not old ... that extra few years may be the significant difference ... right??...General Authorities are old ... aren't they? But at one time I thought Bishops and stake presidents were supposed to be old ... and in my current situation neither my Bishop nor my Stake President are old. That either says they don't need to be old or definately confirms the fact that I am. Are you following me?

~ You remember going to primary on Wednesday afternoons instead of just on Sunday.

~ You refer to the people who pushed your dead car off the road as those "nice young people"!

~ When you realize the voice on the bladder control drug commercials is speaking to you!

~When the radio DJ plays a song from your Senior year in high school and refers to it as an oldie but a goodie!

~When your neighbors 2 year old refers to you as grandma!

O well ... it was bound to happen! See ya at the senior center!